


The Deepest Dreams

by InBetweens



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Day 1, F/F, Supercat Week, Supercat Week 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InBetweens/pseuds/InBetweens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate version of "For The Girl Who Has Everything". The Krypton that the Black Mercy helps Kara imagine is far more complex than Alex can imagine. It's even harder for her to imagine that although for them it has only been a few hours for Kara it has been a few years. This story may be a precursor to a much longer chapter story, AU in nature. SupcerCat/Family Centric.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: A HUGE shout out to Shipitlikeasteamboat! She has been an amazing beta for this story and story board. I appreciate all your help and hard work on this. Any mistakes are still mine-as sometimes I just don't listen to her good advice.

**Title:** The Deepest Dreams  
 **Author:** InBetweens  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Plot** : An alternate version of "For The Girl Who Has Everything". The Krypton that the Black Mercy helps Kara imagine is far more complex than Alex can imagine. It's even harder for her to imagine that although for them it has only been a few hours for Kara it has been a few years. This story may be a precursor to a much longer chapter story, AU in nature.  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Supergirl or any of its many characters.  
  


**Part 1 of ?**

The night was alive with energy. Dark, ominous energy that flashed across the sky as the heavens wept tears that Kara Danvers nee Zor-El could not shed herself. With a longing beyond anything anyone had felt before Kara longed for peace. Peace from the tumultuous thoughts and feelings that raged within her like the churning waters of a black ocean during a storm.

Against strict orders from Hank and Alex to take it easy, Kara left her apartment. Without real thought of the 'fuck you' it would send to Hank and Alex both as she slipped away. Being cooped up in a place that wasn't safe, was counterproductive to her recovery. If she could call this recovery. She was just expected to bounce back. It was expected of her to be okay come the day light, and she couldn't be. She couldn't be okay. She'd done that once before. She'd faked being okay. She often days still did. Tonight she would allow herself the chance to mourn, because come the sunrise there would be things expected of her. Happiness and sunshine and the ability to take and take and take blow after blow after blow and still smile with blood dripping from her broken lip as she asked for more.

Kara couldn't do that, not tonight.

The walls were stifling. Even standing by the window and staring out at the city had made Kara feel empty. National City was a vast metropolis full of people Kara held a deep connection with, but tonight, that wasn't enough. This city wasn't where her mind was, it wasn't where her heart was.

Not tonight.

Her thoughts and heart were hundreds of thousands of lightyears away in a void in space where up until three hours ago she believed she'd been living, thriving on the planet she first called home. Never in a million years had she thought it was nothing but an open swirling black hole of nothingness. But that was three hours ago and three hours ago everything was different.

Before Kara knew what she was doing she was running through the rain soaked streets. Flying was out of the question, she didn't trust her powers to hold out with the way she'd used them to fight Non,.

Kara ran through the flooding streets, kicking up water and creating a vacuum of air that lasted several seconds after she'd already disappeared. She ran and ran circling around the city, over and over again until she stopped.

She stared up at the stretch of an extravagant apartment building. The top three floors owned by Cat Grant, her tyrant of a boss, and the one person Kara needed more than anything in this world or the next.

With what felt like no self-control Kara stood there on the sidewalk, staring, till she could not help but use her super vision and hearing so she could see if Cat and her son, Carter, were home.

"After reading the passage what do you think…" Carter's voice was like a balm on her soul that was torn to shreds at the same sound.

Cat was cooking dinner while Carter asked her questions about his school work and Cat explained what she could or directed him to where he could better find the answers he was seeking. Carter talked about the upcoming school trip to the Science museum that he was hoping his mother might be able to chaperone. Cat didn't agree right away; she was gentle with her hesitance but even Kara could hear the soft sigh of acquiescent Carter couldn't contain.

Kara stood on the street for nearly an hour, just listening to mother and son interact as they went through their normal nightly routine.

The cold rain continued to douse her as she stood as still as a statue. The world around her continued to live while she waited, frozen in this moment.

At first, Kara was trying to convince herself to leave, to let them have their time together, refusing to be the bolt that disturbed the flow of their night. Somehow though, she ended up standing in front of their door soaked down through every layer of her clothes and dampening the rug beneath her.

Kara sought relief, peace, solitude and she could find all those things here. She just didn't know how to ask for it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
-.-.-.-.-.-.- ** _Black Mercy, Month 30, Day 1_** -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Kara, please…uff…" Two Kryptonian guards knocked Alex Danvers down to her knees. Kara stood just in front of the fallen agent, expression hard and hateful, "You have to listen to me!"

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand!" Kara's fists were clenched at her sides.

"Because I'm your sister!"

"You are as delusional as they said." Kara sneered as she took two menacing steps closer to the restrained woman. "You have no right to speak to me. To breathe. I should kill you myself." Kara's face turned red as a steaming rage settled within her chest. Her teeth were clenched and her eyes glistened with the anger simmering so close to the surface, the lines across her face pronounced. "You've taken everything from us."

"I swear, whatever happened, it wasn't me. This…everything, Kara. It's not real."

"Do not listen to her, darling. She would say anything to get away with the heinous crime she's committed." Kara turned at the sound of her beloved Aunt Astra's voice. The gentle hand that Astra rested on Kara's shoulder nearly broke the blonde's resolve. It offered her the support Kara needed to face the woman in front of her but reminded her of just how fragile her heart was at the moment. The touch helped keep her grounded and sane through all of the confusion circling around her like a drain overworked to release the water above that was becoming murky as fast as it rose.

"Kara, I know…I know this is exactly where you want to be. I know this is your home with your family, and it's not fair. It's not fair that you were taken from them and them from you. But this isn't real, Kara."

Kara turned to stare at Alex as her friend, her betrayer, continued her impassioned speech. The more Alex spoke, the more she expressed herself, the more that drain in Kara's brain had to work to keep itself from becoming clogged, the basin above it nearly full as the muck sloshed to and fro.

"This isn't real. You aren't on Krypton. You're on Earth, and you're being attacked by a Black Mercy. It's creating this illusion. It's making you see and feel all of these things. These _great_ things."

"She's lying…" Kara turned to the soft, broken sound, the voice that was once so imposing and sure was now heavy with tears and heartbreak. Heartbreak Alex Danvers had created within them both. The pain resonated so heavily upon her chest Kara could hardly breathe.

"Kara…please. I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_ that you lost your family, your home, everything you ever knew. I know things are hard on Earth. It will never be easy, wherever you are not with that kind of loss, but please, Kara. Earth is your home now."

"Take her to the prison cells. She will stand trial for her crimes." Kara stood tall and proud even as her heart raced within her chest and a dull ache began to make itself known against her chest and in the back of her head.

"No, Kara, please. Please, I need you Kara. Please, I need you to trust me. You're my sister and I can't leave you here." Alex was throwing her weight forward and from side to side trying to gain some kind of purchase so she could reach Kara. Her actions desperate as she felt the strong fingers of her captors dig into her, keeping her restrained. "I won't leave you here by yourself. I won't let you be by yourself ever again."

Kara felt the pain in her chest more acutely as her legs weakened beneath her weight. Two pairs of arms came and wrapped around her, but their grip wasn't comforting or concerned, it was restraining, firm, resolute. It wasn't as it should be. As she looked into her aunt's eyes and the gorgeous hazel eyes of her hero she saw something in them, something…inhuman. Black, unkind blackness that was trying to beacon her forward as the pain in her chest increased.

Kara groaned at the throbbing pain.

The room around them began to shake as if affected by an earth quake. Was this the end? Was Krypton finally giving in? Had they been too late?

"Kara!"

No, this was something else. This place…it wasn't right. There was something suddenly very wrong about it. Like a mirage it began to wear away around the edges revealing that merciless blackness she'd seen shadowed in the eyes of her loved ones.

"A…Alex?" Kara asked unsure as she suddenly was struck with…images…feelings…memories. Kara reached her hand up towards her face as if by memory, as if she knew that she should be able to remove something from her face, something thin and wiry…made of led that helped keep the noises at bay and her eyesight from seeing too far and deep. But there was nothing there. She touched air.

Kara squeezed her eyes closed as she stepped away from the arms that tried to keep her still. "What's happening?" Kara asked no one in particular. The answers were out of reach and the pain was tremendous against her racing heart. "Al-lex…" Kara bent forward at the waist and extended her arm towards her sister.

"No…no! Kara!" Alex fought against the men holding her, knowing that the reality around them was crumbling and it would kill Kara if she let it. With all her strength she broke free of the man to her left, kneeled and tripped the one on her right and raced forward to grab onto Kara's outreached hand. The disbelief and joy that Kara was reaching out towards her, that she believed her, was short lived.

Alex heard her heart race in her ears as she stretched, her fingers barely touching Kara's when she suddenly woke up and was staring at the ceiling of the DEO.

"NO…no…why? Why would you do that! How could you…damn you! Damn you. I was so close. I was so close." Alex jumped up and grabbed at Max Lord tears falling from her eyes as she began to realize that Kara was gone, she'd been so close and Kara was gone.

"We didn't pull you out…" Lord said as he touched both of her shoulders, softly, awkwardly, his eyes appearing to show his true concern.

"What?" Alex snapped her eyes up and looked around the room to the bed on the exam table next to her own. Kara was convulsing and the monitors were shrieking before suddenly it stopped. The noise of the machine stopped for a second before the readings went stagnant…flat lined.

"NO!" Alex cried as she practically ejected herself from the table, falling on shaking knees as she scrambled to reach Kara's bed. The flat lining continued, the sound piercing something crucial within Alex's very being. She felt like she was going to be sick, her body rejecting the images, the reality, that her eyes were seeing.

"No…" Alex's voice was soft, a whisper, her hand trembled as it touched Kara's hand. "…please…"

A tear fell from her eye in her moment of weakness and devastation. The sound of the heart monitor suddenly spiked, the sound emitting a soft, miraculous, beep… then another one …beep… and another …beep…

Lord pulled Alex back as the Black Mercy detached itself from Kara and slithered off of her, falling to the floor at Alex's feet where it withered around the floor like a flailing fish.

The second the alien slithered off of Kara, Hank grabbed his gun, within the next second he stepped into a clear line of sight and shot the Black Mercy over and over again.

Alex kicked the thing away from her path to Kara. The wound her soul had sustained at Kara's near death experience healed as she watched beautiful blue eyes open and look at her with confusion, recognition, love, and above all, trust.

-.-.-.-.- _Present_ -.-.-.-.-

"Kiera?"

 

_**TBC…** _


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2 **

-.-.-.-.- ** _Present_** -.-.-.-.-

“Kiera?”

The surprise was palatable as Cat opened her door and found a rain soaked assistant standing in front of her. 

Kara’s eyes were swollen and her head downcast as she looked up through her lashes. Her lips were trembling as if she were trying to keep herself from breaking down. There was a bruise beginning to brown about her collarbone and her knuckles were swollen into tight fists at her sides. Cat continued her inspection of Kara, her gaze critical as she looked for any blood or more bruises to match the already frightening sight of Kara Danvers standing in her doorway looking for all the words like she’d gone through hell and back in the last five hours since they'd seen each other. 

“I’m…I’m sorry, I-I should go. I shouldn’t…I just…I’m sorry Ca-Ms. Grant. Ms. Grant." She nodded her head the tiniest amount as if to reaffirm or remind herself that Cat was Ms. Grant to her, even when standing in the doorway of her apartment at nearly eleven in the evening. "I’ll go.” There was such a resolute sadness in Kara as she came to that decision that Cat froze at the sound of it. 

Cat was in shock. So much so that she remained still for several moments, leaving Kara enough time to turn and take a handful of large strides towards the elevators. 

“Keira-Kee-Kara!” Cat pulled at her robe and retied it around her waist in a hurry as she rushed after Kara into the hallway. She grabbed the young woman’s upper arm. Her skin was alarmingly warm. Cat's worry rose at the heat and the lack of…brightness? Yes brightness… in Kara’s eyes. There was a haunted quality to Kara’s normally shining turquoise orbs.  The darkness inside them a silent testament to the horrors she must have witnessed this evening. The dimness inside Kara’s usually soulful eyes caused a shiver to race up Cat’s back, leaving the hairs on her neck erect. 

“Inside…lets dry you off.” Cat ushered Kara into her penthouse slowly, her hand resting on the small of the younger woman’s back to ensure she didn’t try and run away. The contact also helped Cat feel assured that if Kara were to suddenly fall slack, she might be able to catch the lengthy blonde before she hit the floor. Maybe.

Cat had known something was wrong with Kara today. The young woman had never acted so stiff at work as she had today. Cat had actually taken the time to investigate lime disease to see if that tick story Winn had mentioned was the possible cause of Kara’s strange behavior. The temperature under Kara’s cold clothes didn’t ease her mind, nor did it make her feel any better about how she’d treated Kara this afternoon. She’d forced the woman to come into work; she’d wielded her power over Kara just because she could and because she wanted to prove a point to Kara. And maybe prove a point to herself. 

She was angry and hurt and really none of that was Kara's fault. Well maybe some of it was. It was just easier to blame Kara than it was to blame Adam or even blame herself for pushing Kara for answers. She'd pushed Kara until the girl would admit out loud why she'd broken up with Adam. Why Kara would toy with her son like that, leading him on (though the feminist in her recognized that Adam was being a bit over zealous in his heartbreak.) They'd only gone on one date--a half each night because something always came up breaking it into parts. 

Still, someone was at fault, and Cat wasn't about to accept that blame, that responsibility.

Cat had never been as scared as she was when Adam came running into her office in a panic because Bizarro had taken Kara right in front of him and there was nothing he could do. Adam had looked at her as if he were a young boy who needed his mother to scare the monsters out from under his bed so he knew he'd be safe while sleeping. He was so young and so scared and Cat had to be strong. She had to be brave enough to scare away his demons even while inside she was trembling with terror at the mere idea that Kara was hurt, could be hurt, or she'd never see her again. 

Cat had spent the night calling all the contacts she could think of who might know what to do, to come up empty handed. She'd finally resorted to calling Lois for the Boy in Blue Tights' number because she knew even then that calling Supergirl would be useless as it was Supergirl who'd been taken.  As mortifying as it was to call Lois she sucked it up because Kara was worth it. She was worth everything. Humiliation was a small price to pay for Kara’s safety.

But just as she was going to stop snarking back and forth with Lois and admit she needed something from her, Kara had showed up, no worse for wear. 

Watching Adam embrace Kara in relief was heartening...and yet there was a distinct pain in her chest as she remained beside her desk. She could not seek the comfort of Kara's embrace. She could not hold the young woman and ensure for herself that she was okay. She had to watch her son do it from afar. Always afar. Her hand had reached blindly for the surface of her desk to keep herself standing. The honest to god relief that Kara was okay made her legs weak. The jealousy of her son would be something she discussed with her therapist only. 

After realizing she was jealous of Adam and that he left because of Kara, it was easy to mask her feelings beneath anger. Anger at herself because she had been blind and stupid and even if she mustered up the courage to do something about her obvious feelings for the girl, now she couldn't. She couldn't do that to her son! She'd pushed herself up against a wall. A wall she hated with its claustrophobic nature as she was left between it and Kara. Kara who kept trying to move back over the bold line that Cat put between them to give her space, time, and safety. 

Still, Cat hadn't spent the last two years molding Kara into the next her for the girl to quit when things started to get a little dicey at work. Kara had seen Cat at her worst. Worse than anything Cat could have even imagined, and she’d stayed. 

So she should have known better. When she pushed Kara the girl always came out on top, always surprised her. 

Just last night the two had been working late. Kara trying to navigate through the new mine field of rules that Cat instigated while Cat created new ones as quickly as Kara learned the old. 

-.-.- ** _Two Days Ago_** -.-.-

It was going on ten pm and Cat knew she'd need to be up early to pick up Carter from his fathers to take him to school but there were just so many things wrong. The art department had been slacking. The marketing team had lost the ad revenue of a major company thanks to a slip in the contract signed almost five years ago. Legal was scrambling to rectify the situation and to top it off Kara kept disappearing during the day when Cat needed her most but she's bitten her tongue and accepted that Kara had OTHER duties. Duties that were going to take her away from CatCo and Cat constantly. Everything just made her angry, even when it shouldn't. Which just caused her blood to boil all the more. 

To make matters worse, Cat had a headache that just wouldn't go away. So when Kara came in with a glass of water and two Advil, Cat pounced like a starving jaguar. Kara, meek goody two shoes Danvers took her insults as if she were a punching bag that could take it. Her perfect assistant taking blow after blow, the punches rippling out till there was nothing left of them and there wasn't even a twitch on Kara's face. No indication whatsoever that she was being heard, that her insults were getting through that sunny personality that Kara wore like a shield. It just made Cat angrier!

So she went for cheap shots. She can't even recall what she'd called Kara. What insult or other she'd conjured at the dismissive wave of her hand. It went from professional, if not bitchy, job performance berating to personal name calling- school yard bullshit that Cat didn't even mean. At least she knew she didn't mean them, knowing it was merely the anger on top of the real anger. The hate and anger (at herself) was unleashed against Kara like a wave in the churning storm racked ocean. Cat wishes she could remember the horrible things she said but she'd been so angry she hadn't paid much attention to her own words. It's like she was in a haze and all she could see was the target before her.

All she can remember is that Kara bit back. She remembered the flash of anger and challenge in Kara's eyes. Something had finally pierced that meek and 'less than ordinary' bubble she blew around herself. 

The sight of the challenge had excited Cat. She'd stood from her desk and had half a mind to force Kara to back up, give her space! She just needed space and air damn it! She couldn't take Kara always being there right in front of her, teasing her with her physical proximity even if emotionally they were galaxies apart. 

"You can't hold this against me forever! You told me it was okay. You gave me your blessing. You have no right to call me names or insinuate I'd use anyone to sleep my way to the top!"

"I have..."

"No. You're done talking. You're angry and upset about...something! But whatever it is that's really bothering you, because you don't seem like the type to condone a man lamenting a two date relationship--so whatever is actually bothering you. Let me be clear. It. Is. Not. My. Fault!"

"If you're trying to be smart you should actually have a few brain cells if not a brain to back it up."

"Ugh!! You are so..." Kara stepped forward till she stood inches away from Cat, forcing the woman to lean back against her desk. Even if she could have moved she wouldn't have let Kara intimidate her enough to do so. So she stood proud, because she certainly wasn't as tall as Kara, and met Kara's expressive stormy eyes. 

Kara's breathing was labored as she flexed her hands in and out of tight fists. 

"-ridiculous. If I wanted to sleep my way to the top I would have been sleeping with YOU for the last two years! Not your son!" 

"Excuse me?!"

"You're a lot of things Ms. Grant, but deaf or hard of hearing isn't one of them."

"How  _dare_ you."

"No, how dare you! You want to know why I stopped dating Adam? Why I broke his heart--after  ** _two dates--_** and drove him away from you? Hmm?" Cat never got to answer before Kara continued. "I dumped him because as sweet and amazing as he is, I'd only end up hurting him in the long run because I'm in... _love_... **lust**...with someone...and lust or love, it doesn't even matter. Because I care about them and would do anything for them but all they see when they look at me is a great big... ** _stupid_**...disappointment." The anger that had been simmering in Kara's eyes died away as the woman spoke. Suddenly her eyes were filled with sadness, longing, and a large shimmering of desire if her pupil dilation was anything to go by. 

 The jealousy Cat held towards her son was but an inkling compared to the jealousy she felt sweep over her cheek like a wet slap to the face. The emotion didn't have a person to direct it towards and yet it didn't matter. Kara was still lost to her. Someone else held the girls affection and attention and she had no one to blame but herself. Kara was intelligent, capable, caring, kind (because they're two different things), dedicated, and gorgeous. Who wouldn't want her? Who would be stupid enough to push Kara away when they held her attention so raptly? Who did Cat have to have investigated to ensure they were good enough for Kara?! Maybe even protect the girl because she was sometimes so innocent and naive that it scared Cat.  

"Disappoint--mphmm" Cat froze as Kara practically growled and moved with fluid, almost super-human, speed. The girl's fingers slipped around the back of her neck, her nails dragging and gently scratching the sensitive skin. Kara stepped forward so she was pressed up against Cat. The way their bodies fit together caused Cat's pulse to quicken. With her mouth still open in question, Kara leaned forward and stole her kiss.  
  
Cat froze at the first touch of Kara's lips against her own. Her body was sending too many signals to her brain at once for her to properly decipher each one. The smell of Kara's breath, the feel of her fingers scratching the skin, the press of the desk cutting into her upper thighs, the catch of her nail on the desk as it closed in reflex, the taste of Kara's lip gloss, the press of Kara's breasts and thighs and god those lips!

Cat began to lean into Kara, into the kiss, shocked and surprised and thrilled that Kara took this chance for them. Relieved and excited about what it could mean and terrified beyond all measure about what it could _mean_. Cat let her mind move towards unimportant things and her body reacted by tensing beneath Kara. 

The young woman felt it and she pulled back. Cat's eyes were already wide open and she watched Kara's slowly slip open as she evaluated Cat.

 Whatever Kara saw in Cat's face disappointed her. 

Before Cat could do more than right her skirt and stand up fully so she and Kara could talk about this like responsible and respectable adults Kara was uttering apologies and taking one, two, three large steps backwards. The warmth of her body disappearing and leaving a bitter cold that slowly made its way through Cat’s system. 

"Kara..." Cat's tone was one of warning. If the girl kept apologizing and looking for all the world like she was going to run out that door without talking to her first she was... "Kara!" 

Cat called out as she practically tripped over herself in an effort to follow after the lithe blonde. Cat had only made it to her office doors when she heard the echo of the stairwell door being thrown open. Cat was too late. Kara was gone and there were a million and one things they still needed to talk about. 

Except when she came into the office this morning Kara was nowhere to be found. 

 

-.-.- ** _Present_** -.-.-

For Kara to disappear now? It was unacceptable. It just wouldn’t do for Kara to run away when things began to get rough personally and professional with Cat. Heh! Kara was better than that. Not that Kara was truly to blame for the drastic turn in their relationship; at least not directly. Cat had been the one to push. She'd forced the issue and Kara had opened up in a way that Cat had longed for...for what felt like years (and maybe it had been). But she ran. And Cat could not just let her go like that. Again.

They needed to talk. But when Kara finally came into the office after Winifred's asinine excuses of large tics causing her to be ill, it wasn't HER Kara. The imposter was stiff and robotic, military. Definitely military. 

**_Ma'am_**...she'd called her  _ma'am_  and gotten her coffee order wrong for the first time in twenty-three months two weeks and five days. Then the imposter had faked tears to try and get out of the awkward situation. Cat felt...let down. and angry at herself for thinking for one second that Kara could handle any kind of real relationship with her. The dreams she'd had all night had lifted her spirits, and yet the cold hard facts of the wakeful world had knocked down all her flimsy, constructed hopes. 

Cat refused to think more on their tense exchanges this afternoon. She needed to focus. Kara was here now and she needed her. Something was terribly wrong and Cat needed to find out what that something was so she could help Kara get past it. 

“Here. Take those shoes and socks off.” It would be a headache Cat wasn't ready to suffer through if Kara were to drag whatever grime was on those shoes into her apartment. 

Cat waited and watched as the girl tried to kick the offending items off but the grime just caused the shoes to rub against each other, the friction she needed to take them off absent. 

Kara’s movements were slow, almost robotic. For a moment it almost seemed like Kara hadn’t the faintest idea how to take off her own shoes. 

Cat’s eyes creased before she stepped to the side of Kara, her hand finally leaving the girl’s back. She wasn’t exactly reassured that Kara could remain standing, but she needed to take things one step at a time. Cat bent down onto one knee and cringed as she untied the muddy shoe laces with manicured and well maintained fingers. 

The water dripping off of Kara was already leaving a puddle, the mud on her shoes causing the water to turn a murky brownish red. The fluffy silk of Cat's heavy soft green robe started to absorb the water, the liquid staining it as her knee remained upon the ground. 

“Lift your foot.” Cat instructed, realizing she was going to have to go step by step with Kara. The young woman was clearly in shock and Cat’s first instinct was to call the police or an ambulance, maybe even her own personal doctor, but she knew—deep down she knew---they couldn’t help Kara. 

Kara came here, to her, because the girl needed help, and she felt that Cat was the person that could help her. And Cat would be damned if she let the woman down. She’d offer any and all of the assistance she could, anything to help Kara see past whatever horrors she kept witnessing and reliving behind those haunted eyes. 

Kara lifted her foot slowly but began to slip backwards. Cat grabbed Kara’s hip and steadied her. “Use my shoulders to keep your balance.” Cat’s voice was soft, reassuring. 

The position reminded her of how she’d taught Carter how to take off his own shoes, or how she’d need to retie his laces before they left the apartment because he hadn’t quite figured out how to tighten them enough to keep them knotted for long lengths of time. 

“Mom…Kara?” Carter was surprised to see his mom’s assistant standing in their doorway, this late at night and soaking wet. "Mom…is everything okay?” Carter asked from the doorway that led towards the living room. Carter was wearing his Supergirl pajamas and red slippers, a matching light green robe to his mother's wrapped around his shoulders, the difference being his was untied. 

The sound of his voice caused both women to stare across the room towards him. Cat brushed some of her errant hair, no longer perfectly coiffed, out of her eyes by using the back of her wrist, her fingers caked with the silt from Kara's shoes. She forced a small smile, trying to reassure him that everything was okay. But the sound of a hiccupped cry startled both mother and son. 

Cat’s gaze shot up to stare up the length of her well-muscled assistant, whose hands had shot up to her mouth to try and stifle her obvious distress. Tears were now falling from her eyes, silent, as were the sobs she was releasing into her hands. Her shoulders were shaking with the force of the silent sobs, all the while Kara’s eyes remained upon Carter as if he were the final straw that pushed her over the edge. 

Cat felt her heart clench in her chest at the obvious distress and anguish wracking Kara. Whatever reminder Carter offered the girl was intense. The sound the young woman released was so deafening in its despair Cat was less sure she could offer Kara the assistance she needed. 

Cat would need to trust that Kara wouldn't have come here unless being here could help her. 

“Mommy?” Carter asked, beside himself with worry now as he fiddled with the rope of his robe, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for his mother to tell him what to do. Tears pricked at his eyes as he watched Kara cry as she looked at him. Only looking away at the sound of his voice again. But he could still see the tears falling down her cheeks as she looked instead at the far left wall. 

“I…I…oh Rao please…I can’t.” Kara turned, slipping in the water she left beneath her as she tried to once again escape the apartment. 

“Kara, stop!” Cat stood up as fast as she could from her position and pushed the semi opened door closed, her palm flat against the surface as she held it in its rightful place. Unless Kara was going to bodily remove her the door was staying closed. Assured that Kara wouldn’t go to that length to escape--yet--Cat turned to her son. 

“Carter, go and get some towels from the linen closet so we can help Kara dry off.” 

“Oh..okay. Uhm…which ones?” 

“The darker colored ones.” 

“Okay."

Almost as an afterthought, “Oh and darling, please grab me the sweatpants and sweatshirt from my office closet.” 

“Got it!” Carter was already running down the hallway to get what his mother asked for, anxious to escape the area and yet just as anxious to return with what his mom asked for so he could help Kara. 

He’d never seen anyone look at him like that. It was like his dad’s mother looked sometimes when she spoke about his Pop, who’d died when he was only two years old. He didn’t understand why Kara would be looking at him like that, like she’d lost him before. It didn’t make sense. But neither did any of this really. He just hoped his mom could help Kara. No one deserved to be that sad. Especially not Kara. 

Cat turned back to Kara, her chest filling with a significant pain as she realized Kara’s forehead was rested against the surface of her door, eyes closed, and tears still leaking from them. She was mouthing words between her tears that Cat couldn't distinguish. As a reporter she'd learned the importance of lip reading early in the game. Not being able to tell what Kara was softly speaking to herself made her shiver. The sounds and the way they rolled off Kara's tongue spoke of its alien nature. The sounds, the words, were unlike the languages of earth. Though the consonants seemed smooth and soft like Latin. But God help her if that was what Kara was speaking because it had been over twenty years since she last took Latin. Maybe this was the girl’s native tongue. 

Swallowing back her own tears at the heartbreaking sight and sounds, Cat brought her hands up to Kara’s shoulders. She leaned her palms down on Kara's shoulder slowly, not wanting to startle her. 

  
Turning Kara away from the door, Cat led her back to where she’d been standing so she could finish removing her shoes. 

This time Kara’s hands went to her shoulders automatically as Cat helped her pull off the socks and stick them inside the shoes that she then pushed as far away from them both as possible. 

Cat was slowly standing from her crouch when Carter came running into the room out of breath. 

“I got the blue and grey towels.” He announced as he walked up to his mom and handed her the towels. The sweatshirt and pants were over his shoulder. “Uhm…what about the clothes?” 

“Leave them on the bottom shelf in my bathroom.” 

Carter nodded, his eyes sliding to the side to check on Kara before he raced out of the room again to put the clothes where his mom asked him. 

“Let’s dry you off some, then we’ll change you into something dry.” 

Kara nodded, biting the inside of her cheek as she looked at the floor unable to make eye contact. She was pulling on her fingers and wiggling her toes as Cat stepped up to her with a towel. Cat rung out some of the water from Kara’s shirt, the liquid splashing against the tile floor beneath them and causing the puddle beneath Kara to spread out in a wider circumference. 

Cat kept looking at Kara as if she expected her to disappear. It all seemed too much to be true. It was almost like a nightmare, a very realistic and frightening nightmare, but a nightmare all the same. 

“Alright…that’ll have to do for now.” Cat dropped the towel onto the floor to try and let it absorb the excess water. Cat hadn’t touched Kara’s hair yet but the clothes were still sticking to Kara’s skin as if they were adhered to it, but at least they weren’t dripping as much. 

“Follow me…” Cat trailed her hand up Kara’s forearm and directed the both of them out of the open area of the foyer and into a hallway that leads to several different areas of the apartment. 

The first doorway to the left opened up into a large living room area populated with pictures and warm homey colors as well as plush couches, arm chairs, coffee table, an electric fireplace and a large flat screen TV hanging from the wall. Kara only looked into the room for a moment before she stared back down at her feet and shuffled them forward as Cat led them several doors down and deeper into the penthouse until they reach a semi-closed door. 

Cat pushed the door open with her back. It was her bedroom. The tile floor switched to carpet and it’s soft against Kara’s feet. 

Kara doesn’t dare look around, already feeling ashamed that she was here at all. 

She knew better. She knew she shouldn’t have come. But there was a bigger part of her that needed Cat. She needed Cat’s comfort and to just see her and know that she was okay.  

Except this Cat, the woman that was treating her so lovingly, so sweetly, was not the Cat she was looking for. Not really. But that… _that_  was a larger issue, one Kara was not ready to truly consider the ramifications of. 

Everything just—  
Everything  _hurt_.   
Her body.  
Her heart.  
Her very soul.

She had lost so much in her life, her parents, her friends, her planet, her world, her identity, her purpose, her destiny, her foster father, Astra. 

The list grew by the day, sometimes even by the hour. 

Tonight she had lost everything all over again. Except, the wonder of all wonders, this time she lost even  ** _more_**  than she had before. Not only had she lost her world again, her family—her parents and Kal-El and Astra—she lost Astra here on Earth and she’d lost even more in the dream world the Black Mercy created for her than she could have ever imagined. 

Kara Zor-El, Lady El of the House of El of Argo City, lost a family she had created for herself, a family of her choosing; one that was not bound by blood but one that was bound by love. A lover-a _fiancé_ \- and a child. A lover and child whom she loved enough to die for in the dream world, and here in the wakeful one as well.

The pain of losing her world, her family and the lover she’d been preparing to marry as well as her adopted child, resonated inside her so deeply that just the thought of it caused her body to tremble with tears. Tears that just wouldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried to make them.   


Here on Earth it had only been 18 hours that she was under the Black Mercy’s drug induced reality. Yet she had lived through 18 months of Kryptonian time which in Earth years was nearly two and a half years. 

Thirty months, 120 weeks, 910 days, 21,840 hours. All of that confined into eighteen hours here on Earth. Eighteen hours on Earth in reality where seconds became long detailed hours behind her eye lids. Visions of her home, of Krypton and Argo City, her parents, Kal-El, the stars and constellations she grew up with, and Rao’s bright red sun were the fixtures in her life once more. Kara Zor-El was the heir of her House. She was training to take her place among the sophisticated elite, to one day take her mother’s seat on the council. She was also chosen to be at the beck and call of the Ambassador of Earth. 

 

**_TBC…_ **

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it was like on the Krypton of the Black Mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those that have been reading this story. I am thrilled to know that you are enjoying the concept of it. I hope that as it continues you will continue to find something you like within it. :-) Sorry for the angst, but it'll be worth it in the end!
> 
> As always, thank you to Shipitlikeasteamboat for her assistance with this story. You've been a wonderful and helpful guide with this story and the AU idea that's spawned from it. :-)

 

**Chapter 3**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
-.-.-.- **Month Three, Day 12** -.-.-.-

Kara was standing at the end of the ramp within the embankment bay. The starship from Earth had just docked and the passengers were disembarking. Kara had never seen the likes of this type of starship before. It was shaped in a smooth circular rotation rather than a pointed edge. The ships used what Kara had learned was a warp drive with trans warp capabilities. Kara had been fascinated by the mechanics of the ship, the cultures of Earth, it's histories. Kara spent months learning everything she could of the planet, combing through data cube after date cube of Earth's politics, languages, fashion, cultures and technology.

Kara was chosen as the representative of Krypton. As the heir to the House of El with no prospective bond mates or children to care for she was a natural choice.

Kara would work to ensure the Ambassador of Earth was comfortable in their stay here on Krypton, for the treaty between the two planets was at stake. Kara was a well-educated, sophisticated woman who was eager to learn and to teach. Her eagerness practically leached out of her skin as she stood at the ramp, bouncing from foot to foot as she watched the hull open and hiss as the compressed oxygen was released.

With careful scrutiny Kara watched as several armed guards exited the ship, walking in formation ahead of the officers and the Ambassador's party as well. There were four security guards dressed in darker uniforms than the rest and they stood in a four-point vicinity around who Kara could only presume was Ambassador Grant. There were three women, lithe and muscular with varying shades of dark colored hair and a tall lean Green Martian.

The anticipation rose within Kara's chest as her own security detail formed ranks around her and one of the male members from one of the Great Houses of Krypton moved closer to her.

"Do you suppose they all look so…stony?" He asked in Kryptonian.

Kara had always found Yor to be pompous and somewhat aloof. But as the eldest of his house and a descendant of the Great Houses she was stuck playing nice with him. His obvious distaste for the treaty was palatable at each of the meetings he had attended with her in preparation for this event. Kara hoped the discussion they had at the ceremony last night would keep him in his place for at least a few days.

Kara turned to look at Yor, her face stern as she told the man with nothing but her eyes, to grow up.

When Kara turned back to the approaching detail of humans she saw that the officers had already branched off with their Kryptonian equals and all that remained was for Kara to welcome the Ambassador to Krypton.

Kara walked with a grace and confidence she'd long ago mastered when it came to political functions.

An interpreter from both Krypton and Earth stood just off to the left and right of the ramp. The four security guards still flanked the Ambassador closely, creating what Kara could only assume was an impenetrable barrier between Ambassador Grant and any unknown assailant.

It was no secret that there were many on Krypton that despised the proposed treaty with Earth. The news of the impending visit of Earth's first Ambassadorial visit had been taken well widely throughout the planet, but there were always sects of people who could not see the good in what this friendship could do.

Their world was dying. They had stalled the inevitable, but Krypton would cease to exist in the next generation or so. There had been a genetic birthing hold on all young abled bodied women, laws prohibiting fertilization of eggs with DNA from the codex for fifteen years. It had already been twelve years and although Kara was passed the age of maturity where she would be married to the man or women who best matched her genetically as was the Kryptonian way, she was neither married or betrothed.

Kara, like many of her generation, were choosing to find love on their own rather than through the ways of old and their genetic matches. These new beliefs and the laws prohibiting any new births were devised in order to protect the future generations of Krypton. There would soon be a mass migration for the entire civilization to colonize and recreate itself on a nearby sustainable planet, they could not afford for there to be newborns or young ones taking up valuable resources. Not yet. Not until they were sure they had found a place for their people to thrive, even if it was not upon the planet they had been born on.

Finding a new planet was difficult. The High Council of Krypton and their top scientists hadn't been able to find a sustainable planet for the entire population that was within a parsec of their space. There were several smaller planets that could accommodate portions of their population, but not the entirety of it. Although there was a pending vote to split the population between the sustainable nearby planets, the Council still held out hope that there was one planet that could fit and sustain their growing world.

Astra In-Ze, Kara's aunt, had found the perfect planet. It was large enough for their current population and for their people to expand and grow for generations to come. The only 'downside' to the planet was its location. It was in one of the farther galaxies orbiting both a yellow giant, the red star the lesser of the two and on the far outer reaches of the galaxy, making the planet covered in both yellow and red UV.

It was located in Earth's galaxy, hundreds of thousands of lightyears away. The planet was not inhabited but it was under the control of Earth as they had a mining colony of robotic workers upon the planet that mined it for materials their home planet used.

The High Council sought Earth as a compatriot. Astra and Non had championed to be the ones to travel to Earth, speak with its leaders and bridge the gap between their civilizations. They had been granted their request. Astra and Non represented Krypton to the humans of Earth and now, Earth was sending its own delegation to continue negotiations of Krypton being 'moved' to Goldilocks, the name of the planet they wished to inhabit. After nearly a year of travel the first human of Earth would step out onto Kryptonian soil.

Kara would meet her first Earthman.

Today.  
Now.

She could hardly breathe through her excitement.

Earth's Ambassador would stay for two Earth years, 18 second moon cycles here in Kryptonian time, and return to Earth with Krypton's new Ambassador for another two years. If it was found the two civilizations could coincide within a few lightyears distance, then Krypton would have its saving grace, and Earth would have a forever grateful alley against any foe.

Kara was so lost in thought that she almost didn't stop at the designated spot. A simple touch of Yor's pinky brought her to a halt and made her focus once again on the task at hand.

Kara heard Yor's sudden gasp of surprise as he saw, what Kara had only just begun to register.

The two security guards that had stood in front of Ambassador Grant took two large steps to the side, revealing the Ambassador to Kara, Yor, and the holocams behind them tracking everyone's movements so the broadcast could be viewed live throughout all of Krypton not just Argo City.

There stepping off the ramp and breaking free from the special security detail was a beautiful blonde _woman_.

Ambassador Grant of Earth was not the male dignitary that they were led to believe. Ambassador Grant was in fact a _female_ human, and a mother at that, if the young boy clinging to her hand dressed in what Kara had researched was a tuxedo, a suit, men (and women), wore to formal events. The fashion of Earth was fascinating to Kara as on Krypton there was uniformity in dress for all events, all social classes dressed the same save for the amount of jewels and body art worn.

Kara smiled softly at the young boy whose eyes were alight with wonder and curiosity as he looked from left to right, openly admiring everything before him. His mother, a short woman of a small physical stature, leaned down to whisper something into his ear. Whatever it was she whispered seemed to stall the boys wondering eyes as he stood straight and looked ahead of him rather than all around as he had moments before.

Kara knew she was not meant to appear so…eager. Her training had drilled in to her that smiling as she was, was improper for this situation, and yet, she could not help it.

"May I introduce to the people of Krypton: Ambassador Catherine Kay Grant, of National City, daughter of Katherine Grant, mother of Adam Foster and young Carter Grant, self-made businesswoman and esteemed politician."

Ambassador Grant stepped forward with Carter beside her, the boy's hands pressed into his back so he would stand straight.

"May I introduce to the people of Earth: Captain Yor Zod, heir to the House of Zod, son of General Dru-Zod." Yor stepped forward, but remained several feet away from Ambassador Grant, as it was not his place. "May I now introduce to the Ambassador of Earth: Ambassador Kara Zor-El, Lady of the House of El, Apprentice of the High Council, and Krypton's beloved Daughter."

Kara slid her feet slowly across the floor as she came to stand in front of Ambassador Grant, finding she was several inches taller than the woman, even in the elevated shoes she wore. Kara pressed her fist against her chest and bowed her head in sync with Ambassador Grant.

They lifted their heads enough so only their eyes could meet as they continued their introduction. "Lady El."

"Ambassador Grant."

They each stood up straight once more, the ceremony so stiff and truly stifling in Kara's opinion. She'd much prefer the way the humans greeted each other. Her aunt had sent word that some humans actually hugged upon greeting, and _kissed._ The humans had many cultures, just as Krypton did, all harbored within one planet and each one had fascinated Astra. Astra shared her fascination with Kara through their many conversations.

It was with the knowledge she derived from her aunt that she turned her attention to Carter Grant.

The announcer opened his mouth to continue the ceremony when Kara threw a bit of a kink in the well-oiled and practiced event. She took one half step to her left and bent down to one knee so she was eye level with Carter Grant. Kara heard three sharp intakes of breath above all other's. Obviously, no one expected a Kryptonian to break tradition in favor of a child.

The ceremony had not taken into account that Ambassador Grant would have her child with her, it would be rude and a dishonor to pretend as if he were not present. An acknowledgement was needed and if Kara was to be reprimanded for it, so be it. She would not dishonor Young Carter Grant by not welcoming him to Krypton.

She stuck her hand out, a custom she had learned from her aunt. Shaking hands was the formal greeting for Earthmen.

Carter looked frightened for a moment and stared up at his mother. He couldn't be more than five or six years old, only a few years younger than Kal-El. Kara thought he was a curious little one that would get along with Kal immediately.

Ambassador Grant inclined her head ever so slightly, offering permission to her son, who immediately straightened himself as tall as he could and offered his hand to Kara. He closed his fingers around Kara's hand as best he could and they shook hands. Kara smiled brightly and watched as Carter relaxed and a missing front tooth smile appeared upon his face.

"Pleasure to meet you, Young Carter Grant." His eyes sparkled as she called him by the title they'd used in the introductions.

"The pleasure is mine, Ambassador." Carter curled his fingers into a fist and pressed it across his chest and waited for Kara to do the same, and they bowed their heads together.

If Kara hadn't already found him charming, she would have instantaneously.

Kara rose up from her knee, knowing that there had been a collective gasp when she'd lowered herself enough to talk to Carter. Kara already knew her mother would have a few words to say to her when they were alone, she could feel her eyes burning into the back of her neck even now as she took her place in front of Ambassador Grant.

Kara could not know it then, but her simple decision to include Carter in the ceremony had won over Ambassador Grant, which was largely something that would take everyone else months to accomplish.

_**TBC…** _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

-.- ** _Present_** -.-

No matter the length of time or the reality of it, Kara's heart knew not the difference. Two and a half years in eighteen hours. To most it was impossible to fathom, and yet Kara now had three realities vying for dominance in her mind. Three realities that were splitting her in half.

Kara stopped walking right in front of the doorway to Cat's private bathroom. She didn't see the door or Cat standing in front of it trying to coax her inside. It was as if she wasn't standing in Cat's apartment, or in National City or even on Earth. It was as if she were outside time and space. She existed in too many realities for her mind to compensate the difference. The cells too overworked, even for a Kryptonian.

The only thing that grounded her to the correct plane and didn't leave her stranded in the inbetween, was Cat's gentle touch. It was more than a reminder or even an anchor. It was a greater concept than either a physical touch or tether. It was a concept, the concept of safety, the feeling of trust and the undeniable hope that she was home.

Home, it didn't seem to mean the same thing. Not after everything Kara had been through. Krypton had been home. For eleven years she had been on a planet she never thought she'd need to leave for longer than a vacation. Then she'd lost Krypton, her family, and her friends. She'd lost a culture that no one alive shared with her. No one else remembered and she'd missed that connection. She'd missed the little things about Kryptonian society. The fashion, the everyday norms, like how to greet one another. She missed the data modules and the bedtime stories that she was beginning to forget. She missed the way things tasted and how everything smelled.

It was a cruel thing to have all those reminders brought back for her. All those stories, those tastes, the smells, and the cultural norms she'd long since pushed to the back of her mind were brought forward so fast she hadn't the time to really consider that she'd been tricked.

The wool had been pulled over her eyes so well that of course she believed her memories of Earth were just her fever dreams thanks to her Aunt Astra's constant communica with her about Earth and its people. Of course she was on Krypton with her family preparing for the arrival of the Ambassador of Earth and the contingent of Earthmen officials. Why wouldn't she be? Why was that less plausible then her really being there?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.-.- **Day 1** -.-.-.-.-.-

The soft red hue of Rao bathed the living room of Kara's childhood home. The spires of Argo City glittered beneath the rubicund light. Kara's eyes swept across the familiar city-scape with hungry eyes as her heart raced beneath her chest. The beautiful image of home, made her feel warm, even as something nagged at the back of her mind. The sensation of the tiny pin-prick nagging was left far behind her as Kara raced from her the living room towards her parents' bedroom. Without a care in the world she entered the den and found her mother standing before a mirror as clipped the last attachment of her dark blue high magistrate robes.

"Mother…"

"Kara!" Alura gasped as she saw her daughter's reflection in the mirror. There was a flash of worry upon Alura's face as she rushed across the room towards Kara. "What are you doing out of bed?" Alura's hand was instantly upon Kara's forehead, feeling her temperature. "You're still very warm. Come…" Alura insisted, pulling on Kara's arm.

Kara allowed her mother to lead her through the halls of their home back towards her bedroom. The bed was much larger than she remembered, almost reminiscent of her parent's bed, now that she was older. Alura slipped ahead of her and pulled the Kryptonian silk up and folded it to the side, allowing Kara to slip beneath it's comforting weight as Alura then tucked it in around Kara's shoulders. "What were you thinking, daughter of mine?" Alura questioned as she sat upon the bed beside Kara, her hand absentmindedly running through the soft blonde curls.

Kara felt tears form in her eyes and spill past her lashes before she could do anything more than open her mouth. There was just something so profound about the moment that it took her breath away and left her in a pile of raw vulnerability and emotion.

"Mom…" Kara whimpered, turning into her mother's touch as if she were afraid it would disappear any moment. Alura appeared pained at Kara's distress, the judge's eyes glinting with worry as she leaned down and placed a soft kiss upon Kara's forehead.

"Shh…it's alright. You're going to be fine. Just a few more days rest and all this will be but a memory." Alura whispered soothingly into Kara's ear as she continued to stroke her hand through Kara's hair. Her fingers sliding between the soft strands and tugging only enough to feel a slight pull upon her scalp that was more calming than painful.

Dal-Ex hovered over Alura's shoulder towards the doorway of Kara's room.

"There is so much I wish to tell you." Kara whispered, her throat sore and scratchy.

"Shh…you can tell me all things after you've rested. Sleep now, my precious one. I will be here when you wake."

Kara felt a spike of fear that she did not understand. It caused her muscles to tense and her hand to shoot out and grasp tightly onto Alura's wrist, keeping her upon the bed. "Please don't leave me alone again."

Alura's cheeks pulled in and her eyes shimmered with tears at the pleading tone within her daughter's voice. "I promise you, my darling. I will never leave you again."

Kara's lips pulled into a small curve of a smile as her eyes tracked her hand's movements. Her mother lifted it from her chest and placed several kisses upon it, which Kara felt to her very soul; as if the simple touch of her mother's lips healed a wound she didn't even realize she had.

"Sleep now darling, rest. When you wake we shall speak of all your adventures."

Kara tried in vain to keep her eyes open, but the energy it took to do so ended up making her fall asleep that much faster.

When she woke, her mother had kept her word, she lay upon the bed beside Kara, ready and rapt to hear all of Kara's fever induced adventures.

-.-.-.-.-.- **Present** -.-.-.-.-.-

The memory was vivid and made her heart ache painfully in her chest.

Kara forced her mind to focus. To come back to reality. The correct reality. Except she felt as if where she stood was just an echo of another reality. Another place and time where things were so much more...vibrant.

Kara felt as though her current actions were familiar. Cat's request for her to come into her bedroom, to follow as Cat led her into her private space, it was a familiar turn of events. Yet, in this reality, Cat had never invited Kara into her bedroom, they'd never seen the other naked, never touched the other intimately or brought about pleasures within each other that no one else had.

For a split moment she was no longer on earth. She was back on Krypton, the Krypton the Black Mercy supplied her and she was trapped within a memory she wished was real.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.- ** _Month Ten, Day 25_** -.-.-.-

Rao's light was already bathing the golden spires of Argo City as Kara woke from a fitful sleep. Her hand stretched to the other side of the bed and found it was warm but empty. The lack of a barrier of skin startled her awake quicker than any morning liquid protein ration could. Her eyes swept through her bedroom suite until they landed upon the swell of a female backside partially covered by a flowing gold bedsheet trailing behind her like a bride's train. Kara's lips split into a smile as she hummed appreciatively and leaned upon her elbow to stare at her lover.

The red glow of Krypton's sun bathed the soft pale skin that was only beginning to tan under the red star's radiant light. The smooth skin her eyes ravaged greedily had been as equally devoured the night before with her lips, tongue, and hands. There had been only a few moments to truly appreciate her new lover's form the night before. But now, now the morning was theirs, and Kara had plans of worshiping such a beautiful woman again and again until they were both just too tired to move, and even then she planned to stare and appreciate all that was before her.

Kara must have shifted too quickly on the bed, the sheets beneath her rustling enough to draw Cat's brown eyes away from the spectacular view of Argo from Kara's personal balcony. Cat turned till she was merely looking over her shoulder at Kara. Once their eyes met a smile blossomed across pink lips that was readily matched by Kara's own.

"Come back to bed." Kara requested, speaking Earth English, her eyes shining with the desire she felt for the woman before her.

"Insatiable…" Kara chuckled softly, because as insatiable as she had been the night before, it was Cat that had truly been voracious last night as they'd tumbled into Kara's suite, their hands already tearing heatedly at the other's clothes, lips, tongues; teeth marking any available surface of skin.

"I believe, Madam Ambassador, that I was equally matched in my insatiableness, if not lost in your…hmm…how do you say… _ **pulvis**_?"

" _Dust_ …"

"Ah, _dust_ …" Kara annunciated the English word, popping the consonants as the bed sank just a bit beneath her lover's newly added weight.

Kara's wonder of the English language was lost as the bed-sheet was released and slid down the beautiful contours of her lover's body till it pooled unceremoniously upon the edge of the bed for a moment before it disappeared from sight upon the floor. Kara quickly disregarding it as her eyes beheld the well sculpted naked body crawling towards her with predatory intent, deep soulful brown eyes sparkling with fervor.

Kara softly chuckled with mirth and desire as she was pushed down upon the bed, the strength of the push enough to make her bounce once upon the soft mattress beneath them.

Kara moaned as she was straddled, the soft and supple weight of Ambassador Grant pressing down upon her. Her hands quickly rose to slide up outer thighs, nails scratching along the skin as she leaned up to meet her lover in a passionate kiss.

-.-.-.- _ **Present** -_.-.-.-

Kara moaned pitifully and yanked her arm away from Cat's soft touch. She took three large steps away from her boss, her hands pressing tightly against her forehead as she bent over at the waist and swayed from left to right.

What hell was this? What utter hell was she being forced to live through now? Was it not enough that she had lost everything she'd ever known once before? But to take it away from her again was cruel and soul crushing. To take it away from her when she had what her heart desired most once more…it was tearing her a part from within. Her mind replaying memories that weren't real but had been more real to her than anything she'd ever experienced in her entire life.

"Kara?" Cat took two slow, cautious steps forward. The shock upon her face was matched by the surprise she'd felt when Kara had pulled away from her so violently. She'd only been trying to urge the young woman forward, not scare her into this fit.

Kara fell with a rough thud to her knees, the floor creaking beneath her as she bent in upon herself and pressed her forehead against her knees. She pressed the cup of her palms against her ears and heard only her breathing, pounding heartbeat, rushing blood, and the softest sound of her name being called out in alarm.

"Kara!"

If Alex hadn't killed that Black Mercy Kara would have taken great pleasure in destroying it herself. As it was, she'd only been able to take her vengeance out on the person responsible for her renewed pain: Non.

Oh, she'd made him pay dearly for his actions and his attempts to ruin this new world that she'd been calling home for 12 years. The only reason he wasn't dead was because of Alex, and because she's needed to be there to say goodbye to Astra.

Kara choked on nothing but air as she relived her last moments with Astra upon the roof.

The blood she'd felt coating her hands and seeping into her like a permanent stain, the labored breaths escaping Astra as she Valiantly tried to fight off the inevitable and how broken Kara became at her aunt's assumption that they had been enemies within her dream world-ate at Kara. It took large chunks of her soul with it each time she remembered the way Astra's eyes had shined with happiness-to know that they had been family within Kara's dream. That what Kara longed for more than anything was to be on Krypton with her family. Her blood family and the family she'd made for herself here on Earth.

How...how could this world with all its pain and anguish be real? How could this terrible world where almost everyone she loved, died, or left her, be the reality she had to exist in? How could this incredibly painful reality be the real one?

Why did she have to suffer no matter where she found herself? Why could life not be easier?

There had to be others. Different realities where she didn't feel this pain in her chest at the losses she had faced. Where she was happy and the woman she loved, loved her too. Where the son of her heart was safe and sound in his bed. Where the aunt she adored saw the good she could do and was alive to make amends.

There had to be worlds like that.

Didn't there?  
Didn't there!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.- _ **Month 29, Day 29** -_.-.-.-

"Mom look, look!"

Laughter bubbled as Kara watched Cat get dragged towards an exhibit by her eager son. Rao's light was shining down through the glass ceiling, casting a warm light around the otherwise shadowed room.

Kara was just looking to the wall of artifacts when there was a familiar ping that broke the sudden contained excitement of those within the exhibit room. There were at least six or seven other families present in the room, many of the children older than Carter, as the ban on new births had been put in place some time ago. The youngest children on Krypton were going to be celebrating their tenth or eleventh birthday this year.

Her heart was hammering itself into a frenzy within her throat at the first sharp sound of glass breaking and the flick and pew of shots fired. Hazel eyes so similar to her lovers looked to her in sudden terror as realization dawned on what was happening around them. Lips parted and it was her name that left his in a frightful cry.

"Kara….!"

Kara was moving, her feet kicking out in front and behind her as she raced as quickly as her legs could carry her forward. She was several feet away from her targets, the smaller of the two had grabbed onto her lover's hand and rushed ahead in his excitement to see the next exhibit here at the Kryptonian Science Center. Around them glass from above them was shattering and raining down on all the patrons of the Science Center, women were grabbing their children, kids were crying, and men were shouting orders as guards began to descend on the area. All Kara cared about was reaching the two people in front of her. Ten feet was such a short distance normally, but now it felt as if it were a kilometer away.

Kara ducked, bent at the waist, opened her arms and dove forward, her left arm circling around Cat's slim waist while her right hand grabbed onto Carter's belt, her arm width encompassing both individuals as her momentum pushed her shoulders into the two bodies, her head tucked into the small space between them. She forced them down to the ground as glass continued to rain down upon them, the ground cracking and splintering when it was hit with the sonic bullets of a Kryptonian assault rifle.

Kara made herself as large as she could and pulled mother and son as close as she could, putting her body on top of both of theirs to shield them from harm. Her mind only registering the wet warmth of blood coating her right hand when the sonic shots had stopped.

_**TBC…** _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you will find that there is a memory within a memory. That secondary memory will be italicized and broken apart to show when it was supposed to take place, but when it ends, it continues right from where that primary memory was taking place. It may sound confusing now, but I think you'll find it easy to follow along if you have the above in your mind.

 

* * *

**Chapter 5**

-.-.-.- _Present_ -.-.-.-

"Shh…shh…" Cat murmured as she wrapped both of her arms around Kara. She kneeled down less awkwardly upon her bedroom floor and held Kara as the young woman shook violently in her arms. She felt her eyes mist over with tears as she pressed her cheek into the top of Kara's head and squeezed the young woman as tight as she could.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Cat. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't reach him. I'm so sorry." Kara sobbed heartedly as she began to rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, only ever swaying an inch or so in each direction. She held her forehead against the rug, her tears absorbed by the plush carpet. "Please…please forgive me. I tried. I tried…Rao I tried."

Cat had no idea who Kara was referring to, no idea 'who' it was the young woman couldn't save, that required she beg Cat for forgiveness.

Kara began to mutter under her breath in that alien language from before.

"I forgive you." If it was absolution that Kara was looking for, Cat would grant it to her. However much it was worth.

For now, there was nothing more she could do as Kara was plagued with something Cat could not fathom.

"I've got you, darling. I've got you."

"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…" Kara whispered, her voice growing soft as she slipped back into the shocked state.

Cat, seeing her opportunity, stood up and pulled on Kara from under her arms. "Up. Get up." Nothing. Kara didn't move. Cat huffed out an exaggerated breath, "Kiera! Get up. Now!"

The command seemed to puncture whatever fog had fallen over Kara. The woman didn't spring into action like Cat expected, but she did follow her order. Kara stood up slowly. Cat led her into the bathroom and slowly, very slowly, helped the young woman undress. She averted her eyes. Her heart hammered within her chest as her hands shook.

Kara remained impassive as Cat helped her into dry clothes. The sweatpants and sweater fit, but just barely. Snug in places Cat refused to think about right now. 

Cat led Kara back into her bedroom. She left the young woman standing there, like the robot Cat had suspected her taken over her identity today, while she pulled down the bed. Putting Kara onto the bed she helped twist her and lifted one foot and then the other up onto the bed. Pulling up the covers she effectively tucked the young woman in.

"Alright, stay here. I just have to check up on Carter. I'll be right back."

With a heavy sigh, Cat left the bedside lamp on. At the doorway she looked back to see Kara laying stiffly in bed her eyes open and staring up at the ceiling. Shaking her head, Cat went to find Carter.

She found him waiting in the living room. He jumped up when he heard her coming. "Is she okay? What happened to her?"

"I don't know, Carter."

Carter looked disappointed, his shoulders slumping at the news. He was sure his mom was going to find out what had happened. "She's really sad, isn't she mom."

"Yes, yes she is. About what I-I don't know." Cat ran rested her finger below her chin as she contemplated what could make Kara so…despondent.

"She looked…she looked like…nevermind."

Cat perked up at her son's incomplete thought, "She looked like what Carter?"

"It's nothing. Stupid."

"Carter…"

Carter sighed, knowing he had to tell his mom now. "She looked at me funny. Like…like Nana does sometimes, not at me, but how she looks when she's thinking about Pop. It was…she just looked at me like she hadn't seen me in a long time." Carter ran his hand through his messy curls, the other one flexing at his side with his nervousness. "It's silly because she just saw me a few weeks ago and I didn't die, like Pop. So, my thought is, is unfounded."

Cat blinked slowly as she listened to her son's observation. Her mind running through the possibility that Kara had indeed looked at Carter like he had died. It didn't make sense. Her son was safe and sound and standing right in front of her. And yet…Cat herself had seen the haunted look in Kara's eyes; had witnessed her sudden break down at the sight of Carter before her. Then there was Kara's pleading with Cat to forgive her for failing to save 'him'.

Cat shook her head and stepped up to Carter. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and held him. She breathed in his scent and memorized everything about her beautiful boy, suddenly very very aware of how precious every moment was with him, with anyone she loved.

"Let's get you into bed, hmm?"

"But mom…"

"No buts. You have school in the morning."

"Fine…" Carter whined, "But what about Kara?"

"Kara will be sleeping in my room for the night. In the morning, when she's rested, I will speak with her."

Carter sighed, "Alright."

"That's my boy." Cat bent down and kissed the top of his head, watching as he waited to wipe the kiss away until he was almost entirely out of the living room.

Once Carter was tucked into bed and Cat had a glass of scotch in her hand, she pulled out her cellphone and called James Olsen.

"Cat? Cat, is everything alright?"

"That is a relative matter of opinion, Mr. Olsen. I myself am alright. As is my son. The who that is not alright is Kiera."

"What? What about Kara?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss just what has happened this evening; I just wished to inform you that anyone that might go looking for her at home will come up empty handed."

"Kara's there? With you?"

"Yes, Mr. Olsen. Kiera is here with me. Where she will stay for the rest of the evening and much of tomorrow morning. Do keep up."

"I don't understand."

Cat rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her scotch, "That is abundantly clear."

"Is she okay?"

"Physically speaking she is fine. Emotionally and mentally, I have not determined as of yet. But I assure you, she is safe and being well taken care of. I merely wished to let you know so you can inform those…two cent rent-a-cops Kara works with that she is okay and will be returned to them tomorrow evening."

"Oh…kay…I don't know of any—"

"No, no. No need to lie to me. I find I'm rather sick of the lies. Also, Mr. Olsen, please look after my company tomorrow as I will not be coming into the office. Call in Winifred if you must. Just, do not burn her to the ground."

"Uh-understood."

"I am reachable on my home line and email. I will do my best to keep atop my own emails. Good evening Mr. Olsen."

"Goodnigh—"

Cat hung up before he could finish his salutation. She downed the rest of her scotch, steeling herself for what she'd find within the confines of her bedroom.

Kara lay upon Cat's bed tossing and turning upon the pillow top mattress. She felt like she was floating. Floating between realms and realities and truths and lies all as she lay restless upon her boss' sheet. Everything was just a whirlwind of possibilities, of choices, and they all hurt. One seemingly causing an ache only the second could surpass in the amount of pain.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.- **Month Three, Day 20** -.-.-.-

In the hundreds of thousands of years that Krypton had existed there had never been a gathering in the Council Hall quite like this. Other-worlders were a common theme on Krypton, the planet was a hub of sorts. It was the port that many other alien races used in their travels further into their galaxy. The species here were as diverse as the languages spoken on Earth. Each species with its own dialect and its own customs and yet, this gathering was the first in which an other-worlder had sat upon the dais with the High Council. It was also the first time in Krytponian history that an un-anointed junior barrister sat with the docents in which they studied under.

Kara could not feel more honored then she did as it was explained that she would not be sitting with her father, Aunt Astra and Non. Though she was a bit disappointed not to sit with her beloved aunt. They had only been able to revel in the others presence for a few hours as they both were dressed for the occasion. It had been many years since Kara had seen Astra in the flesh, their communiqués through video transmissions lacking in many ways as Astra spent her years on Earth negotiating this treaty.

It was only because of Astra's messages that Kara learned of Earth, it's languages, and a handful of its customs. Kara recalled many a night speaking with her aunt in hushed whispers so she would not disturb her parents as they slept, begging the woman for more information, more, always more about Earth and its people and what her aunt was experiencing there.

So although they had finally been reunited after nearly five years apart, she did not sit with the head of house El, Zor-El, her father, Jor-El and Lara beside him with Kal in a place of honor sitting between his parents and beside Zor-where Kara would normally sit if at the table. At the table next to the her father's was General Astra In-Ze and Non-Ti and her mother's parents. She would have been down beside them at any other function. However, tonight she sat upon the Dias with the High Council looking out upon the open hall with sparkling eyes.

As Kara skimmed her eyes over the hall she noted the tables and the families that sat around them. The twelve high families were present and were circled within the middle of the room, those closer to the dais higher in rank and prestige. On the outer rim of the twelve high families were the ten secondary houses.

The chamber of the Council Hall was a large oval room with a dome for a ceiling and tiled floors and glistening walls covered in murals of historical events and scripted Kryptonese laws passed long ago.

The air around the Council Hall was a vibrant, tangible thing. Kara could only think of words that spoke of just how alive the very atmosphere was surrounding the Welcoming gala.

Yor sat at the head of his table upon the floor with the rest of the guests. When Kara was led to her seat she felt Yor's glare upon her back as it became clear just where she would be sitting. The Zod heir was very open in his distaste that Kara was nominated as their Ambassador and he her second. He was a rising member of the military guild. He would be a General in his own rights some day. He was incredibly intelligent, strong, fast, and capable. He would have been Kara's match for marriage had she not told her parents she wished to find love with a partner rather than be matched and have her marriage arranged like her Aunt Astra's.

Yor had not yet truly forgiven her for rejecting him as a possible partner, and had been spending a great deal of his time trying to win her affections and her love with 'romantic' overtures. If Kara thought he could mean any of the actions, sweet as they seemed, or he could respect her for who she was and what she wanted for Krypton, she might have been able to accept his courtship. As it was, she knew he did not share in her beliefs for Krypton's future. He also did not respect her for who she was. He wanted her because of what it would mean for him, and the advancement it would almost surely guarantee him. His obvious jealousy tonight a prime example of why she would never marry him let alone return his affections. If his feelings towards her could be considered affectionate.

Yor was a military man. He was too brisk and sour towards humans-who he found to be beneath Kryptonians-to form any kind of real relations with the Earthmen delegation. So he had been bypassed as the choice to represent Krypton in these Treaty Talks. It was just one of many reasons why he held animosity in his heart towards Kara.

But tonight was not about Yor. It was not about Kara either. It was about something so much greater than two or three people. This was about the survival of their race, their culture, and the ally they had to make in order to preserve everything they held dear.

"He stares at you a lot." Kara heard spoken softly from her right. She turned and found herself smiling at the little boy beside her.

Carter Grant was a surprisingly intelligent young boy. Very observant. But what Kara had seen of him he didn't take well to social interaction well. He was always very close to his mother when it was allowed, using her as a shield as he stood just behind her to her left or he stood in the same manner behind one of the security personnel. He did, however, seem to take to her very well. He had smiled ear to ear when he noticed her making her way to sit beside him at the table. He had looked very uncomfortable sitting at the head table, even with his chair practically glued to his mother's. His eyes were either staring at the table or jumping from one sound or another that he didn't recognize-which had to be quite a lot as many of the Kryptonians on the hall were speaking Kryptonese.

Normally Kara would have entered the hall with her father, but as she was to be seated at the head table she entered with her mother. Rather than behind her mother she stepped out beside her, keeping her poised gate only to separate at the center of the table as her mother was to be seated on the left with the rest of the High Council while Kara was to sit in the empty seat next to Carter Grant.

Her mother was at the end of the other side of the long rectangular table, making them the last ones to enter into the hall. As it was customary for the High Council to enter after everyone had already taken their seats.

Kara had never felt so many eyes on her as she made her way to her seat. The murmuring around the room a direct response to her seat beside Carter Grant whose mother sat next to him. For Kara to be at this table at all was cause for the murmurs. For her to be seated by the Earthmen rather than her brethren caused many of the elders in the room to squabble back and forth with each other.

But the smile upon Carter's face when he realized that Kara was sitting next to him had been worth all the whispers and the stares, Even Yor's glares.

Kara almost wanted to pretend not to know who Carter was referring to, but didn't want to belittle his intelligence in order to 'protect' Yor's image. "Yes, he does." Kara conceded, and took up the glass of Corthi wine. She pretended not to notice how Ambassador Grant had turned her ear towards their conversation even as she pretended to be in deep discussion with Doren Qu-Ha, the eldest of the High Council.

"Is he your...phee-ahnsay?" Carter stumbled over the last word and Kara had a hard time translating the English word to Krytonese. The translator she wore on her collar-as a precaution should something like this happen-was useless as he did not say the word in a concise manner that the device could pick up.

"Phieahnsee?" Kara asked the boy hoping he would repeat the word or explain what it meant. It was embarrassing that she could not decipher the meaning and had to inquire.

Carter frowned and looked down at the table, playing with the golden cloth that hung low over the surface. Kara's eyes narrowed in thought. Had she said something wrong?

"Young one?" Kara asked as she put down her glass of wine and tried to engage Carter in continued conversation. "Have I done something to offend you?" Kara's eyes widened and she appeared horrified. She pushed her chair back enough that she could face Carter by twisting in her chair. "Did I murder the word you said and accidentally say an insult instead?" Kara's eyes were wide as Carter looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

"I apologize, Young Carter Grant, I did not mean to say something to offend you." Kara didn't take a breath as she continued, unaware that many eyes had turned to stare at her, her mother and Ambassador Grant included. "I did not understand the word you spoke and was trying to repeat it so my translator would identify it for me." Kara rambled in an effort to explain her actions.

"See," Kara pointed to the jeweled device on her collar, "...but it does not recognize it." Kara sighed, her shoulders falling down in defeat and resignation that she had done something to offend the young boy after only two hours of sitting beside him. "I did not mean to upset or offend you."

Carter looked up from the table and stared at Kara with wide eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he became amused at her rambling explanation.

The smile upon Carter's face fell, just enough that Kara felt anxious again. "You weren't making fun?"

Kara's eyes were wide as she shook her head no, unable to form words past the lump in her throat. Who would make fun of this charming young boy? Swallowing thickly, Kara relaxed her expression and took a deep breath, "No, I would not do that. I am appalled that someone would!"

Carter sighed, "It happens." Carter swallowed, "People making fun of me to be mean. A lot."

Kara's eyes darkened at the notion that Carter had to endure teasing. No wonder he was so awkward in social situations. He was terrified and vulnerable. Yor would say he had no backbone, but Kara thought it was those who picked on this young boy that had no backbone. No honor.

"Carter…" The way Kara said his name gained his full attention, it was similar to the tone his mother used with him when she was about to say something very important that he needed to listen to very carefully. "…I will never make fun of you. Not in any way that will hurt your feelings or make you nervous around me. I am sorry you felt like I was. But I speak English only a little. There may be times I do not understand what you are saying. I hope that you can be patient with me and help me understand the things that I do not."

"Like be your teacher?" Carter's eyes were alight with excitement at the prospect. Apparently, knowing that Kara needed his help made him feel proud as he pulled his shoulders back and sat up straighter and looked Kara directly in the eyes. "I'll help you understand. I promise." Carter touched Kara's hand and squeezed it gently, waiting until Kara smiled at him again before he released. The gasp that rang out to Carter's left at the gentle touch was not issued by Kara, but by Ambassador Grant, who looked between where Carter had just been holding Kara's hand up into Kara's eyes. The emotion within the Ambassador's eyes was one Kara did not understand, but it made her cheeks flush a dull pink nonetheless.

It was only when Carter began speaking again that Kara was able to pull her gaze away from the Ambassador's soulful eyes. Her heart skipped wildly in her chest and her cheeks remained a soft rosy pink as she focused on Carter, though her eyes did trail back to look at Ambassador Grant every once and a while.

"Betrothed…it means _promised_. Fiancé." Kara still did not understand the human concept of promised. Did that not mean a person gave their word to do a specified action? "Hmm…" Carter thought about it for a moment. "You know; it means someone you will marry."

Marry…Kara understood that English word.

Kara's smile became sour as she understood what Carter had originally asked of her. "No. Yor is not my…fiancé."

"Huh…" Carter took a minute to think about Kara's reaction and looked between her and the tall stern looking Captain. He nodded his head as if he decided something and smiled shyly at Kara. "You're too pretty and nice to be with him anyway. He's like a grumpy looking tree."

Kara sputtered out a laugh that she quickly used both hands to cover her mouth to silence, although Carter's giggling only made her laugh all the more.

Ambassador Grant appeared to want to say something to her son for the name calling, but couldn't do so without openly acknowledging that she had been eaves dropping in on the entire conversation. So she pursed her lips and tried to stay attuned to her own conversation.

Between all of the speeches offered by the High Council and members of Ambassador Grant's team, Kara spent a majority of the evening speaking with Carter. They spoke of Carter's likes and dislikes and what he wanted to see while he was here on Krypton. They spoke of their homes and the differences of their planets. Carter was enthralled with Kara and Kara was smitten with the young boy. So much so in fact that she lost track of time.

"I love science. It fascinates me. My mom helped me create a volcano with…"

"Pardon me, but Lady El, may I have this dance?" Kara turned over her shoulder and saw Yor standing just off the raised dais with one hand extended towards Kara while the other remained hooked behind his back. He was wearing his military uniform and anyone else might think he looked dashing.

Kara found herself deflating, just a bit, as she looked between Carter and Yor. She offered Carter a small, apologetic, smile. "You will need to finish telling me of your volcano. In just a few moments time." Kara insisted, making Carter smile, even though he was weary of Yor's presence.

Kara turned to Yor and stood from her seat to take his hand. There were already many couples upon the dance floor, their tables having been removed as dinner had long since been served and ingested.

Kryptonian dancing differed from the dances of Earth. Astra had sent Kara an information module once with the many forms of dance that Earthmen practiced. She had been fascinated by many of the forms of dancing and how it was used to express emotion. On Krypton, dance was not used to express feelings but rather to practice control, balance, and trust. Many were exercises used for military training that taught muscle movement and trust in squadrons.

In honor of the arrival of the Earthmen Generation Y – Kara's generation – had learned many traditional Earthmen dances to perform at events such as these.

"You seem attached to odd young one." Yor commented as he settled his hand upon Kara's waist and led her in a waltz.

Kara sighed, "And you seem positively green." Kara refused to meet Yor's eyes, rather she looked out amongst the crowd dancing around them.

"Green?" Yor questioned, perplexed by her comment.

"It is Earth slang for jealous." Kara explained, wondering if Yor had even bothered to read any of the packets that Kara had put together for their Ambassadorial team. She and Yor were the heads of the team and they had a support group of four others, many much older than them. They were the 'faces' of the last Kryptonian generation, and thus they were the leads of these events, but Kara wondered if they were only just the faces. The public image that the High Council needed to throw forward so they could deal in shadows with the Earthmen on the treaty.

It was only the first day and Kara was already feeling very…uneasy with the practices of the High Council. They made it very clear by their seating arrangements that they were in charge, overcrowding the table with Kryptonian members and only saving two seats for Ambassador Grant and her son at the head table. A third…unexpected seat for her as well.

Kara had her own opinions on the Treaty and she had no way of truly expressing them. Not when many of her actions—even her speeches—were edited and censored by her mother and by her mother's influence the High Council.

Yor chuckled, spinning them around twice before they fell into step once again. "Jealous? Of your role as entertainment for the _**nugatory stolide haec simian."**_ Kara snapped her head around, her eyes aflame with disgust. "Deriedo te…you think it will mean anything to befriend the boy. It is a ploy that you will see fail."

Kara shot her arms in different directions. Her left shot upward and her right downward as she slapped away Yor's hands from her shoulder and waist respectively. Her hands fisted at her side as she stepped away from him, her mouth open in retort, eyes ablaze with her anger, when someone tapped on her shoulder.

Kara, in her anger, spun around ready to snap at whoever had dared interrupt her before she could put Yor in his place, only to falter at the sight of deep dark brown eyes. Kara almost swallowed her tongue to keep herself from snapping at Ambassador Grant.

"May I cut in?" Ambassador Grant asked as she held out her hand.

"You may, it would be my pleasure to…"

"Not with you." Ambassador Grant cut Yor off and blocked his approach with her extended arm, her eyes like daggers that let her words do the cutting. "Well….Lady El? Will you dance with me?"

"Yes. I'd…yes." Kara stuttered, finding little confidence in her ability to keep calm verbally, but what she lacked in verbal confidence she gained in physical confidence.

Deftly, Kara took the older politician's hands and without truly knowing if Ambassador Grant wished to lead or follow, took the role of the lead and waltzed them away from Yor within moments.

Ambassador Grant laughed jovially as Kara spun them around so she could keep her eyes on Yor as he left the dance floor. The sound stole away Kara's attention as it caused an unusual tingling sensation in her stomach.

"My, aren't you brazen."

Kara flushed a bright crimson, though she never lost count of her steps. "My apologies, Ambassador Grant I just…Yor-Zod can be…"

"Oh no, please, no need to explain. I normally would have enjoyed watching whatever spectacle you were about to display, but Carter asked that I remedy the situation." They both turned to see Carter sitting in his seat smiling at the two of them, the person that Kara associated with being his personal guard, stood directly behind the chair keeping an eye on him in the Ambassador's absence. "So, you may thank him later for keeping you from making a fool of yourself in front of your entire high society."

Kara sighed heavily, if only the Ambassador knew why she had been ready to issue a rather public display of anger upon the small minded Captain. Still, she could not cast him in shadow just to keep herself in the light. Not when she would be doing so to a very key player in the Treaty.

"I will be sure to thank the graciousness of Young Carter Grant after our dance has concluded." Kara was grateful she had been able to speak fluently, and without stuttering.

It seemed like the first time she could do so when in the presence of the Ambassador. However, now that Kara found herself thinking about Ambassador Grant's presence…she could not help but focus on how close they were. Unlike many of the other dancers who were a half step apart from each other, Ambassador Grant had pressed herself fully against Kara, leaving hardly any space between them at all.

The closeness made Kara's cheeks flush with heat once more, suddenly very aware of every move they made and how cool Cat Grant's skin was compared to her own.

"Though, I will thank his Knight first, for endeavoring in my rescue." Kara smiled, wondering if she had phrased that correctly. Her Aunt spoke of Knights in shining armor that rescued 'damsel's in distress. "Thank you…"

Ambassador Grant seemed intrigued with her knowledge of their history, and she smiled, genuinely at Kara.

In the last few days of meetings Kara had seen how Ambassador Grant interacted with others, she had seen the polite smiles and the expressions she wore most often. She'd even begun to understand the differences between the Ambassador's expressions and what they meant in regards to her moods. This smile, was unlike any Kara had witness from the Ambassador as of yet…and it took her breath away.

"You're welcome, Lady El."

"Kara, please. Call me Kara."

The Ambassador's smile deepened, "Kara…" She pronounced it a bit…differently than other's but Kara blamed her English accent. "You have won the affections of my son. That is not something idly done."

Kara smiled brightly, "I do not know why. Young Carter Grant is a charming young man. His interests far exceed his developmental age, which I've ready is very impressive by Earthmen standards." Kara gushed, as if she had known the boy for more than the last three hours. Somehow it felt like she did. "He is a delight to speak with. I am glad that I was seated next to him this evening."

"Yes…" Ambassador grant stared at Kara as if she were trying to figure out a difficult puzzle. "…well, I did insist you sat beside him. He was very impressed with your greeting upon our arrival." Kara wondered if it wasn't just Carter that was impressed with her greeting of him upon their arrival.

"It would have been disrespectful not to include him in our ceremony. He needed to be welcomed to Krypton officially as well."

"Hmmm…" The Ambassador stared at her again as if she were uncertain what she was seeing. It made Kara infinitely uncomfortable.

Around them the music stopped playing and their dance ended.

"Thank you for the dance." Ambassador Grant curtsied and only walked away after Kara had bowed, as was the Earthly custom.

"It was my pleasure." Kara whispered to Ambassador Grant's back, the woman already halfway across the room, her eyes having found her next 'prey'.

"Well, that seemed to go well." Kara jumped at the sound of her Aunt Astra's voice. "I had sent Non over to rescue you from Captain Zod when Ambassador Grant stepped in." Kara laughed softly as she stood with her Aunt, both women watching the ongoing schmoozing of the gala. "He wasn't too brash, I hope."

Kara rolled her eyes, "He was…himself."

"Mmm…yes, brashful it was then."

"He insulted Young Carter Grant and called me a fool for believing…" Kara sighed, her anger and frustration losing steam as she began to wonder if he wasn't right. If she wasn't a fool for becoming attached to Young Carter Grant so quickly.

"You have a natural ability that many on this planet lack." Astra stated with a fond expression, her hand resting on Kara's shoulder in a gesture of comfort—a gesture Astra had assimilated from her time on Earth.

"What is that?" Kara asked, feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

"Genuine, kindness…and a maternal instinct that makes you very good with children." Astra squeezed Kara's shoulder before releasing it. "It is a good trait to have, Little One. It is what sets you apart and makes you a strong leader. You care for the people you lead. They mean something to you. It will be a burden to carry someday, but for now, it is what will ensure our people's survival."

"How can my kindness ensure our survival? It is not brawn or intelligence it is…weakness."

Astra turned so she was looking fully at Kara, "No, Kara. It is strength. If I have learned anything from my time on Earth, it is that kindness is strength."

Kara did not know if she could trust her aunt's observation, her learned knowledge, but she did not openly question it either. Instead she let it settle over her as she instead focused on those around them. Her eyes, uncontrollably, finding Ambassador Grant and Young Carter Grant in the crowd.

Carter was looking behind him directly at her. When their eyes met he smiled and waved. She waved back and ignored her Aunt's large smile.

"You should know, in the last three years that I have known Ambassador Grant…I have not once seen her so…" Astra had to think of the appropriate word. "…taken…with someone she'd only just met. No man or woman with all their strength or intelligence has been able to break through Ambassador Grant's hard exterior…." Astra walked around Kara as they both noticed Carter Grant approaching with his guard, his mother watching his journey across the hall to Kara with reverence. "…until now." Astra kissed Kara's cheek before she disappeared into the crowd, leaving Kara alone to intercept Carter's arrival.

"Hi!" Carter greeted with a bright missing front teeth smile.

Kara smiled back, "Hello, Young Carter Grant. Have you returned to tell me of your volcano?"

Carter's smile, if possible, widened even more as he nodded his head excitedly. "Shall we sit, so you can tell me more?"

As they made their way back to their seats, Carter grabbed a hold of Kara's hand to lead her. At the touch she found herself looking across the room to see Ambassador Grant staring at them.

The tingling sensation in her stomach returned as Ambassador Grant's odd shaded eyes locked with hers and everything else just seemed to fall away. Ambassador Grant's eye color, had a touch of brown and a new shade of color that Kara had not seen before. Some said it was the color of trees, the green of plant life found on other worlds but had been absent from Krypton for generations.

As Kara held Ambassador Grant's eyes she couldn't help but think that perhaps her Aunt was right. Perhaps kindness would ensure their planets survival.

Kindness and a little bit of love.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.- **Month 29, Day 28** -.-.-.-

The room was dark and empty save for a soft blue illumination that came from the house of El crest upon the black space pod. In several hours the Rights of Passage would begin, the ceremony sure to be filled to the brim with people. People who did not know the grief and the anguish Kara Zor-El Grant felt weighting down her chest.

Kara had escaped the apartments she shared with Cat and Carter...shared with Carter.

Carter was gone.

The little boy that had come into her life two years ago and had stolen as much of her heart as his mother, was gone. Dead. Because she hadn't been fast enough. Because she hadn't been vigilant. She had tried, Rao knew she'd tried. She'd run as fast as her body could to reach Cat and Carter. The sonic shots echoing through the halls as glass broke and people screamed. She'd made it to them. But she'd made it too late. The sonic shot tore through the top of her shoulder and hit the ground beneath her after tearing through Carter's chest.

The blood…Kara shivered and felt her body retch at the memory, the blood had been so warm. So much of it. So thick. Thicker than Kara had thought possible. And it wouldn't stop. No matter the pressure she put on the wound, it just wouldn't stop the bleeding. It just kept coming, seeping through her fingers as she desperately tried to staunch the flow.

Cat was…catatonic. She wasn't conscious enough to make any decisions about Carter's funeral. Kara, as Cat's wife and Carter's step-mother was in charge of the proceedings. She had to decide how to bury the charming young boy she'd only just begun to call son.

Kara broke.

She fell to her knees, her hands clutching at the top of the burial pod with a futile grip. She cried and screamed her anguish into the stillness of the room. No one to hear her release the grief that was weighting upon her like a foundation stone; heavy and unmoving. No matter how her chest heaved and her body shook, the stone would not leave her. It would stay with her for all her years to come.

"Kara?"

At first Kara didn't hear the sound of her name, she was far away from her physical self to hear anyone approach her.

"Oh god…Kara!"

What snapped Kara out of her imposed grief was the physical touch of another person. Someone was wrapping their arms around her and holding it tightly to them. The cool temperature of their body was soothing to Kara, it was a human temperature, and it reminded her of Cat's embrace.

She leaned into the hold for a moment, still coming back to herself.

When she realized who was holding her Kara sprang away from the woman. "You…what are you…guards! Guards!" Kara yelled, hoping that the guards that had followed her here would still be able to hear her—even if she knew they were trying to give her privacy.

"Wait, wow, Kara, calm down. Don't call for- Kara, please. Hear me out."

"Hear you out? Hear you…" Kara glared as she stared at Alex Danvers. "…you killed my son!" Kara screamed as she raced forward and knocked Alex down by tackling her. She climbed up the struggling woman's body and she reached for her neck, her fingers ready to choke the very life out of the woman who'd killed her son.

It had been a shock, an incredible betrayal for Alex Danvers to have been the assassin. The woman who'd gotten close to Cat Grant and Carter, who worked as Carter Grant's personal guard. Who would ever think her capable of such a heinous crime? Kara had become friends with the woman. They had become close. Alex had been present when Kara asked Carter for his permission to ask Cat Grant to marry her.

Alex had approved of the ring choice and even helped her plan the proposal! And she…that same woman whom Kara had come to depend on—had betrayed her. And Cat. And Carter. Especially Carter. Alex had betrayed them all…for money. More money than Kara would know what to do with. But money nonetheless.

Kara wrapped her fingers around Alex's neck and started to push and squeeze at the same time. Ready to kill the woman with her bare hands. Tears streamed down her face as she thought of all the moments she'd shared with Alex and all the moments she'd shared with Carter, and now she'd never see him again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.-.- **Month 23, Day 16** -.-.-.-.-.-

_"Do you swear before Rao and your God that you will not say a word?"_

_Two eager little heads bobbed up and down._

_Kara heard laughter behind her from the security detail assigned to one of the young boys in front of her. Alex was her name, a young woman that Kara had become fast friends with. She was part of the special security detail hired to protect the younger of the two boys in front of her. In times like today she did not look like she was a capable assassin and protector, but Kara knew just how skilled and deadly Alex Danvers could be. She'd had an unfortunate run in with the older woman when she'd been trying to sneak into Cat's suite._

_"We swear. We swear. Please show us, Kel." Kara smiled fondly at the nick name her cousin had for her._

_"Alright, alright…" Kara produced a small circular device in the palm of her hand. Both boys leaned forward, as if they couldn't get close enough to the item._

_With a quick swipe of Kara's thumb, the device activated. The edges rose up three inches and the metal of the device turned from a silvered color to a deep ruby red. Hazel eyes and aqua eyes widened._

_Kara swiped her finger across the lipped edge of the circular container and the lid popped open to reveal three sparkling jewels, one a deep canary gold, one ruby red, the other jaded green upon a silver band._

_Even Alex, standing in the corner of the room gasped at the sight of the ring. Kara had spoken to Alex about purchasing a ring, had even questioned Alex on the significance of the tradition. Kara supposed Alex never thought she would actually buy a ring for Cat._

_"I didn't know Kryptonian's had engagement rings."_

_"We don't." Kal-El informed._

_Kara blushed, chancing a look at Alex. "I thought…this was one custom I could borrow."_

_A small hand touched her shoulder, bringing her attention back to the two boys._

_"She'll love it!" Kara felt her heart melt and the pressure upon her shoulders relax at the affirmation._

_"You don't…mind? I've read that permission is typically sought from the oldest male member of Earthmen's families for proposals of marriage. As you are the oldest male member present…do I have your blessing to ask your mother for her hand in marriage?"_

_Carter beamed at Kara his mouth opening to reply when suddenly the sound of the suite's door swooshing open echoed through the otherwise quiet room. Even Alex straightened to attention as Kara fumbled with the miniature jewelry safe to close it as she jumped to stand up._

_"Well, isn't this a sight…"_

_Kara spun around, hands quickly swinging to hide behind her back. Beside her, two young boys mimicked her pose and stood up straight. All three of them were prepared to face the firing squad before they broke the pact that they'd just formed._

_Cat Grant approached the small group, eyebrow raised with suspicion. Carter raced forward and greeted her first, while both heirs of House El remained where they were, stiff and unsure._

_Cat smiled as she approached the cousins. She squeezed Kal-El's shoulder, which prompted the boy to give Cat a hug, a new form of greeting that both Kryptonian's were still becoming accustomed to._

_Once released from his hug Kal-El slipped around to stand next to Carter and Alex as Cat seemed to size Kara up with just her eyes. Kara forced a smile that exuded how nervous she was as her fingers reflexively gripped her surprise tightly._

_"Hello, darling." Cat leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Kara's lips, which caused Kara's cheeks to blush even more. "What is it you have there?"_

_"Where?" Kara squeaked._

_Cat leaned into Kara's personal space, standing practically flush against the woman, as she reached her hand around her waist and her fingers trailed over Kara's forearm down to where Kara cupped both of her hands to hide the ring._

_Cat covered Kara's hands with one of her own, "Here."_

_"Na-nothing." Kara took a step back from Cat and tried to calm her racing heart. "It's just…something I was showing the boys. A holocard." Kara ran her finger along the miniature jewelry safe until it was once again flat and looked like nothing more than the holocard that Kara mentioned it was._

_She pulled it out from behind her back and showed Cat, her smile a little more genuine now that she was confident in her deception._

_"Mmhmm…" Cat obviously did not believe her, but she decided to wait. If she was patient Kara would come to her with whatever it was._

_Kara smiled and placed a gentle kiss to her lover's lips as she slid the device into her pocket to wait for the proper moment to give it to Cat._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ka…ka…kara…staahhppp…"

Alex grabbed a hold of Kara's wrist with one hand and used her free one to chop at the juncture of Kara's neck and shoulder. The first hit didn't work, but when she came down for the second blow, it caused Kara's left arm to slacken for a moment, giving Alex enough time to lift up and dislodge Kara from around her waist.

They rolled around upon the floor a few times before Alex wound up on top, her hands around Kara's wrists to keep them pinned above her head.

"Kara, stop. Please…stop fighting me. We need to talk. Please. You're in danger. Stop! Damn it Kara, listen to me!"

Kara stopped fighting Alex, a part of her brain functioning enough to tell her to stop, to listen to what Alex had to say. Just as Kara began to relax the guards that she had called for came bursting in through the door. They swarmed forward and grabbed Alex by both arms.

Kara watched them pull her former friend away. Alex using her combat skills to fight against two of them before the third and forth over powered her.

"Kara!"

"Darling!"

Kara turned to see Cat and her Aunt Astra rushing into the room.

"Aunt Astra...Ca-Cat..." Kara's voice caught at the sight of her wife. It had been almost three days since she'd heard Cat's voice. The woman having become unresponsive after the doctors had announced Carter had died.

"Kara...thank Rao we got here in time. I was...I was so worried that I'd lose you as well."

Kara wrapped her arms around Cat and breathed in her scent her tears disappearing into her wife's blonde hair.

"We heard of her plot to come here and finish her assignment. We had to get here before then." Astra stated from behind Kara her hand resting upon her niece's shoulder.

"Kara, please…uff…" Two Kryptonian guards knocked Alex Danvers down to her knees. Kara stood just in front of the fallen agent, expression hard and hateful, "You have to listen to me!"

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand!" Kara's fists were clenched at her sides.

"Because I'm your sister!"

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Shipitlikeasteamboat for all of their amazing help and support for this story. It is, as always, very appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets a call from James and the cavalry finally arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a HUGE thank you to ShipItLikeASteamBoat for their continued assistance with this story (and all my others). Your insight and assistance with these stories really has made this process smoother, and I thank you, truly, for the time you put into these stories.

**Chapter 6**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.- **Present** -.-.-.-.-

Kara jolted up from her prone position upon Cat's bed. The motion thrust the bed forward and then fell back when her momentum stopped, causing the headboard to bounce back against the wall with a loud boom and crack.

Cat, who had been sleeping in the arm chair in the corner of the room, was awake in a moment at the loud noise. Her eyes glazed as they slowly focused on the sight of Kara sitting up straight in her bed, her chest heaving with the gasps she was sucking in to try and calm her racing heart.

"Kara…" Cat stood up from the chair and made her way to the bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed down at the foot of it so there was still room between her and Kara. In order to touch the younger woman she would have to reach and it would give Kara enough time to pull away if she wasn't comfortable with being comforted by touch.

Tears were once again falling from Kara's eyes, but this time it was obvious the young woman didn't even realize she was crying.

"Breathe, Kara….breathe…" Cat whispered, afraid with how little air Kara seemed to be breathing in. Cat stopped herself from touching Kara, afraid that touch would just cause the young woman to snap all together. Her chest ached with her need to help Kara, to make this somehow better—she'd even take a little easier—for Kara. Anything to help the young woman who did anything and everything in her power to help others.

There was a loud crash from somewhere else in Cat's home that startled her off of the edge of the bed. What was that?!

Cat felt her heart jump into her throat. It had sounded like someone broke down a door.

Cat's eyes widened and her feet were already moving her out of the room, "Carter…" She gasped.

Cat wasn't sure what happened next. One minute she was trying to run to her son's bedroom and the next something snagged around her waist and she was no longer in the hallway but standing within Carter's bedroom.

"What were those noises?" Carter asked from where he stood by the wall, a small miniature baseball bat that he'd gotten with his father last summer, clutched in his hands. Then, as if realizing his mother and Kara were in his room, blinked in shock, his heart racing roughly against his rib cage. Carter stared at Cat and Kara with frightened eyes.

"Wha…how…?" Carter swallowed thickly as he stared at his mother and Kara. How had they just…had Kara just…

Carter felt a little woozy as he realized that Kara had carried his mother into his bedroom and had done so at super human speed.

"You're Supergirl!?" Carter hissed covering his own mouth when he heard movement from outside his bedroom.

Cat grimaced, her stomach still rolling from the trip from her bedroom to Carter's at super speed. She teetered a bit on her feet for a few seconds before straightening herself.

"That sounded like it came from the den. There's a doorway in that room that leads up to the roof deck." Cat explained, wondering who or what could have possibly broken in from the roof deck of her penthouse apartment!

"Stay here." Kara's voice was deep, several octaves deeper than usual. Her eyes were narrowed slits and her hands were fisted at her sides.

Cat didn't argue. She merely stepped up behind Carter and wrapped him in her arms dragging him away from the doorway as they watched Kara walk back out into the hallway.

"Mom…Kara's Supergirl…" Carter whispered, tilting his head to look up at his mother. Cat grimaced as she looked down at her son. "You knew…" He wasn't accusing her, he wasn't!

"I suspected." Cat whispered, straining to hear anything from outside.

Carter swallowed and nodded his head, noting how his mother was staring at the frame of his door as if she could see through it.

-.-.-.-.-.-

_Thumthumpthumthumthumpthum…._

There was someone in the apartment. Someone was after her family.

_Thumpthumpthumthumpthumthump…._

All Kara could hear was the racing heartbeats of the people she cared for most. They were scared. She could hear it and smell it on them. Fear, they were afraid of whatever was out here, afraid that it would hurt them.

Kara wasn't afraid. Whatever was out here wouldn't touch Carter or Cat. In this reality she was faster, stronger. She was invincible here and she would keep them safe.

_Thump…thump…thump…thump…_

Kara saw two shadows moving in formation sweeping through the dark apartment. Kara waited only a second before she raced forward, her arm around the neck of the intruder and squeezing tightly, ready to twist and move on to the next in a moment.

Except…

"Kara!"

Kara froze, her arm still wrapped tightly around the neck of the second intruder, but her ears knew that voice. They knew the person moving to stand in front of her, arms raised up in surrender.

" _ **Because I'm your sister."**_

"Alex…" Kara whispered, her grip on the intruder loosening until they could slip out from her grasp.

Alex lunged forward and helped her partner in crime stay standing, their hand around their trachea as they coughed and wheezed in as much air as they could.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked as Vasquez gave a thumbs up.

Hank was barking demands that she answer him in her ear, but Alex was too focused to comply at the moment.

Alex stared wearily at her sister. There were circles under her eyes and a grey pallor to her skin. She looked ill, but Alex knew she didn't get sick. This was just Kara under an extreme amount of stress. Enough stress and emotional trauma that Alex knew— _knew_ —that if she'd been around that corner a second later Vasquez would be dead. Kara wasn't herself. Normally, Kara would have easily been able to tell that it was Vasquez she'd had hooked, but that was normally, and Kara was going through something hardly normal, even for her. (That's a lot of use of the word 'normal')

"Kara, are alright?" Alex asked, ever worried about her sister and the emotional horror she'd been forced to live through. "We were doing a fly by to check on you when we heard a loud crash."

They must have heard the bed jerking forward and back against the wall and thought the worst. They were just there to help.  
They were there to protect her family, not hurt them.  
They were the good guys.  
They didn't want to hurt Carter or Cat.  
They were Cat's security team.

No.  
No.

They were her partners.  
Agents.  
They were DEO agents.  
They were there to make sure _she_ was okay.

"How…did you know I was here?" Kara asked her voice soft as she remained where she was. Keeping Alex and Vasquez on the other side of the apartment. Always vigilant to keep a threat away from Cat and Carter as her own mind, her own knowledge, couldn't be trusted right now.

"Ms. Grant called Olsen. Told him to tell us you were here."

Vasquez was still coughing every few breaths, the agent pointed towards the wall and Alex helped her move to it and settle her back against it to lean on. Once there Vasquez stared up at the ceiling and tried to stretch out the injured muscle in her neck so she could breathe more easily. Kara watched her with narrowed eyes, her hands still fisted at her side as she stared at Alex and Vasquez.

"You shouldn't have come." Kara intoned, staring at Susan with a somewhat contrite gleam in her eyes—though her facial expression never changed.

"No, Kara, we _had_ to be here." Alex corrected, standing up straighter. She needed Kara to listen to her. She couldn't coddle her right now. She had almost killed someone in her daze. That was unacceptable. Kara was dangerous to those around her, and until she was able to get past what had happened in the last 24 hours, Alex had to be the boss. She had to be strong for the both of them and ensure Kara didn't do something she wouldn't be able to live with.

"You shouldn't be here, Kara. You're not…" Alex struggled to find the right thing to say. "Kara, you're not, you just shouldn't be here!" The 'of all places' remained unsaid.

Kara's chin quivered. "Where else am I supposed to go?" There was nowhere she belonged. It had taken years for her to accept Earth as her home, and she had finally gotten comfortable as being herself, as Supergirl; and now it was like her pod had just landed yesterday and she was lost and alone all over again, everything she knew: gone. Kara just wanted a place to belong, a place that made her feel safe and happy and like she was home. Why was she destined to never have that?

Being with Cat and Carter, she'd hoped that it would be here she'd find that feeling. But it wasn't here. Because they didn't love her. Not the way they had on Krypton.

"I'm so lost." Kara whispered, her eyes burning with tears again as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Let me help you, _please_ Kara. You don't have to be lost." Alex whispered, her voice catching with emotion as she watched her sister crumble in on herself.

Kara took a step away from Alex, her eyes focused on the floor beneath her bare feet.

"Kara, please…" Alex begged, trying to gain Kara's attention. "Kara, let me help you." Alex pled, moving forward slowly, one arm extended towards her sister while the other was extended towards Vasquez, just in case she had to catch the recuperating woman. She was centimeters from her sister when…

"Kara, what's going on out here?"

…Alex stiffened at the sound of Cat Grant's voice coming from behind Kara. Alex straightened her shoulders and prepared herself to face off against the formidable media empress.

Cat brushed her hand gently over Kara's shoulder as she came to stand next to her. Her eyes locking with Alex almost immediately. "Agent Scully, which government agency do you work for tonight? Hmm?" Cat challenged. "And what do you think you are doing breaking into my home like common criminals!?" Cat stood shoulder to shoulder with Kara in the midst of the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest in a completely different manner than Kara's. Where Kara was looking to protect herself from outside forces, Cat was looking to protect the outside forces from her. The impatient foot tapping against the wooden floor a nervous tick for the woman.

"We're just here to bring Kara home." Alex sighed, knowing it was a lost cause to try and protect Kara's secret identity. Cat had made it clear on the phone with Olsen that she knew Kara was Supergirl. It appeared that she also had given Kara clothes to change into and kept her as comfortable as possible, so maybe—and it was a big maybe—she could be trusted.

"Kara, do you want to go home with these agents?" Cat asked, only looking at Kara when she had finished verbalizing the question. The difference in Cat's facial expression was startling. The older woman looked gentle and soft as she stared at Kara, where as she looked like a snarling rabid hunter ready to strike when she looked at Alex and Vasquez.

Kara shook her head 'no' but made no effort to verbally respond.

"Okay…" Cat's hand was light as it rested on Kara's shoulder, "That's okay, darling. You don't have to go anywhere you don't wish to." Cat agreed immediately moving to assure Kara that she didn't have to leave. Cat hoped Kara knew that she was always welcome here.

"With all due respect, Miss Grant. It's not up to you to give her permission to stay." Alex grit her teeth as she spoke, hating the position Cat was putting her in. Making her the bad guy by wanting to bring her sister someplace safe.

Kara was fragile right now. Cat had no idea how much she was actually hurting Kara by letting her stay here.

"With all due respect, Agent Scully, we both know that if Kara doesn't want to go with you, you'll find it rather difficult to bring her anywhere." Cat wished she could say she would stop them from taking Kara against her will, but she knew she hadn't the skill nor the strength to stop them if they wanted to—and that frightened her. Frightened her enough that she promised herself she would work harder on making sure she could keep the people she loved safe.

"Staying here isn't going to help her. Coddling her right now, it isn't—" Alex ran her hand roughly through her hair. "—You don't know what she went through tonight. Being here is just going to confuse her. We…" Alex gestured to herself and Vasquez, "…we can help her. You… _you'll_ just hurt her!" Alex growled the last part, eyes narrowing at the way Cat's hand remained on Kara's shoulder.

"I would nehv…"

"Oh please." Alex scuffed. "Kara's my sister. I know everything you put her through and how it makes her feel." Alex spat, rolling her eyes at Cat's attempt to defend herself. The woman at least had some decency to shrink in on herself.

"Leave her alone, Alex." Kara growled out the warning, her fingers flexing into a tighter fist.

"She's right, of course, Kara. I do treat you abominably at work." Cat hated that she had to agree, hated that she really had hurt Kara enough for her to talk to her sister about it, but there were more important things at stake right now then Cat Grant's ego being bruised almost as much as her heart at the forced realization.

"But that doesn't mean I don't care," Cat insisted, hoping that at least Kara believed her. There was nothing she could do about Agent Scully. Kara was who truly mattered in the long run.

Alex grit her teeth for several seconds before she groaned and addressed Cat Grant with some decorum. If it kept Kara calm, she'd bite the bullet and be nice to the evil, soulless media mogul. "Miss Grant, I appreciate all that you're trying to do for Kara. But when I say she needs to come with us. I am insisting on it because it's what's best for her. She cannot be _here_." Alex stressed.

"If this is because you think I'm going to hurt her then you can rest assured that I…" Cat's hand was resting on Kara's arm again and Kara leaned into the touch. The comfort helping her calm down so visually that Alex almost wondered if it wouldn't be better for Kara to stay here. But no! She shook her head. She'd gotten the gist of what that dream world was like for Kara, what her relationship was with Cat and Carter Grant. Kara couldn't be allowed to stay here while she was slipping back and forth between reality and fantasy.

"Staying here with you could cause her to break with reality." Alex stressed the seriousness of her concern. "She went through a very traumatic attack and it caused her to lose touch with this reality. If she stays here, she could get lost in it again and she could hurt someone. You, Carter, herself—"

"I'd never hurt them!" Kara exclaimed, her muscles taught with tension once more. "You know I'd never hurt them. In this reality or in any others!" Kara defended herself, pulling away from Cat's comforting touch and putting distance between herself and the three other women in the hallway. "They're my, I mean, Alex, they mean…" Kara gasped in a deep breath as she realized she was panicking. "Why can't you see I just needed to see that they were okay? That Carter was okay…that I needed to come ha-home." Kara gasped as she began to sob.

Cat was taken aback for a moment, to hear out loud that Kara had come here to see with her own eyes that Carter had not been hurt, had not died, was mind blowing and yet confirmed her fears and suspicions all the same. Kara's begging for forgiveness made a bit more sense now that the pieces were finally being revealed.

Kara had a break with reality. A reality where she had been unable to save Carter and whatever ghosts Kara had seen tonight that made her so empty—so lost—wasn't an imagined occurrence. She'd believed she was seeing things. Whatever tragedies and horrors Kara had lived through in this break from reality, had to be tremendously painful, but Cat could only speculate on if Carter's death had been a catalyst or the conclusion.

Just the thought of losing Carter made Cat's insides ache in a way she never wanted to experience fully. This shadow of a feeling at the thought was all she'd ever allow herself to feel, because she would keep her son safe. No matter the cost.

Alex slowly approached Kara, but when she was three steps away she needed to jump forward to catch her sister as she collapsed. Kara shook violently as she cried; her arms wrapped around herself to squeeze tightly, to keep herself confined and unable to hurt anyone else should she try and hold them and seek out the comfort they could offer her.

"I tried…I tried. But you killed him and I couldn't do anything. I could only watch. He died in my arms, Alex. He _died in my arms_ …" Kara tried to calm down but the more she tried the heavier her breathing became and the harder her tears fell. "He was so excited to see the exhibit. He was so _happy_. We were all so happy. He-he ran ahead and he was just too far. I couldn't reach him. The sonic shots went off and I ran and screamed at them to get down but I was too late. I was a second too late." Kara frowned as her chin continued to quiver but she sat up enough so she could look for forgiveness in her sister's eyes. Forgiveness for failing and understanding that she had tried.

Alex could only offer a watery smile as she took a moment to wipe away Kara's tears using the side of her thumbs and the back of her wrist.

" _ **Why…**_ " Kara wailed, "Oh god, _**why**_ would she do this to me? Why would she send me back there?"

Alex frowned, clearing her throat, " _She_ didn't, Kara."

"Wha..what?" Kara sniffled, forgetting for a moment that she was having a break down in Cat Grant's hallway.

"Astra, she, she didn't send the Black Mercy, Non did. Astra was here, trying to help us save you."

"But…but she..."

"I'm sorry, Kara. I'm so sorry." Alex whispered, choking on her own tears as Kara stared at her as if she were a 13-year-old girl all over again and she didn't understand a human custom that Alex was trying to teach her. Everything seemed bright, nosy, and so very confusing to Kara all over again. Nothing made sense and she tried to cling to the things that gave her some semblance of calm, of understanding.

Kara's lips quivered again with the sudden wave of emotion. The sudden realization that she had lost Astra all over again. That she had lost _everyone_. Kara's eyes skimmed around the hallway and saw Cat. She lost everyone, even those that she never had to begin with. "Everyone I ever love… _dies_." Kara stared at Alex, but it was like she wasn't seeing Alex anymore. She was just staring straight ahead as her eyes glazed over in the shock of her emotions.

"Kara, you're going into shock. Come on. Stay with me a little longer. I'm going to take you home." Alex begged, trying to snap Kara back from wherever she was disappearing.

Cat, who had been struck silent at the anguish that Kara felt for being unable to save Carter in this alternate reality, came to then. There was a lot swarming around in her head, but that could be saved for later. For right now she had to deal with waking Kara up from her shock.

" _ **Keira**_!" she snapped, and Kara jumped, her eyes focusing on Cat, even from her kneeling position upon the floor. She blinked away her tears, her eyes red and puffy, and yet Cat couldn't help but think she was still the most beautiful woman on this planet (or any other one).

"Yes, Ms. Grant?" Kara fell into old habits quickly when Cat used that tone. It was useful and yet damning when Cat caught sight of Alex Danvers glaring at her.

"You will follow your sister home and rest. You will not come to work for the next week."

"But there's, no, I can't, I…"

"No excuses, **Kiera**. You will get well. And only when your sister tells me you are ready, will I let you into the building. Do I make myself clear?"

Kara's bottom lip trembled, and it made Cat feel like a monster, but Kara nodded her head and stood up slowly, Alex helping support her weight.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Grant. Please…" Kara sucked in a deep breath as she fought against her tears. "Please don't ha-ate me. I…"

"Oh Kara…" Cat broke, her own tears falling as she moved forward to wrap the taller woman in her arms and hold her tightly. Kara's arms remained at her sides, but Cat didn't care. She squeezed Kara as tightly as she could. "This isn't a punishment, Kara. Please, I need you to take care of yourself and get well. And you know I don't say please unless I mean it." Cat offered lamely, but it elicited a quirk of Kara's lips that would have been a smile if the situation wasn't so stressful, and that was enough. "Okay?" Cat asked as she put herself at arm's length, her hands cupping Kara's forearms.

Kara nodded her head slowly, her eyes downcast.

"Kara…" Cat tipped up Kara's chin so their eyes met, "There is nothing that could ever make me hate you." She cupped Kara's left cheek and used her thumb to wipe away the tear tracks still upon the younger woman's face.

Kara blinked two fresh tears, but there was a light in her eyes that hadn't been there a moment before.

"Go with Agent Scully here, and you get well. You call me. If you need me. If you need _anything_."

Kara nodded her head slowly to show she was listening, but Alex was already pulling her down the hallway towards the office that would lead to the roof.

Kara stopped walking suddenly, and Alex couldn't lead her away. "I need…Carter?" Kara looked back towards Carter's bedroom and listened for his heartbeat. It was calmer than before, but it was also a lot closer.

Carter, who'd been standing just around the corner, rushed out from his hiding spot and ran right into Kara's arms. He wrapped his arms around her neck and she picked him up and held him. There were tears on his cheeks. He'd heard Kara crying, begging forgiveness for not being able to save him. He also heard the agent explain that Kara hadn't been in this reality. He didn't understand the real ramifications of what Kara had gone through, but he felt her pain in the way she'd sobbed through the story of how he'd been hurt—and died. It was a shock to him, but he needed the reassurance that Kara was okay just as much as Kara needed the reassurance that he was alive.

Carter spoke through his sadness.

"I'm okay, Kara. I promise. I'm okay." Carter whispered as he felt Kara tremble as she held him in her arms.

"I love you, Carter." Kara whispered against Carter's neck.

"I love _you_ , Kara." Carter whispered just as passionately, and the words were like a balm to Kara's jaggedly broken heart.

After several seconds of silence as they hugged; Alex helped Vasquez towards the exit.

Kara squeezed Carter a bit tighter, not nearly hard enough to hurt him, and then put him down. It took Carter a second to realize he'd been put back on the ground and sighed before he released Kara and raced to stand at his mom's side. Wiping quickly at his tears so it looked like he hadn't shed them at all.

"You'll come play Settlers of Catan when you're feeling better, right?" He asked, hopeful, and nervous.

Kara smiled, though it didn't nearly reach her eyes as it usually would, "You bet." Her voice broke as she spoke but she spared a glance to Cat and saw the older woman looking at her in a new way. It was familiar, while also seemingly new.

Kara held Cat's eyes, "Thank you. For taking care of me."

"Well, let's not make it a habit, hmm?" Cat asked, her eyes filled with concern as she watched Kara stagger as she stood beside Alex.

Kara dropped her gaze to the floor and fiddled with her fingers as Alex led her once again, her sister's hand on the small of her back.

"Come on, Supergirl. Let's get you home."

With one last look at Cat and Carter, Kara turned away and followed Alex up to the roof, where a helicopter was waiting and an angry, yet concerned, Hank Henshaw sat impatiently watching them.

"Good to have you back." Was Hank's greeting, before he spoke to the pilot and the chopper pulled away.

Kara leaned against Alex and closed her eyes, too exhausted to talk or hear Hank scold her for leaving her apartment.

"Where to, Agent Danvers?"

"My place sir. I'm going to bring Kara home with me. I…we're going to need some time, sir."

"You'll have it. The both of you. Whatever you need." He promised, it was the least of what he could do for the two girls he'd promised to look out for.

As their flight turned, Alex looked back towards the Grant's penthouse home and was a bit surprised to see Cat standing in the doorway to the roof, her arms wrapped around herself, staring out after them. Maybe it wasn't totally out of the realm of possibility that the evil, soulless media mogul did have a heart, and that heart had a serious attachment to Kara.

Alex wasn't sure, but she looked forward to finding out. At least if that meant her sister was happy because there was no one more deserving of a happy ending on this earth than Kara Zor-El Danvers.

**End Chapter 6**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Thank you for sticking with this story. I'm sorry for the long delay. Things got a little hectic and my plan for Thursdays are For Fanfics got swept under the rug for the last few months. I am going to be working on getting back into that habit/swing of things come 2017. So, the end of The Deepest Dreams should be posted (hopefully) before Valentines Day. We'll see how that goes. But it is a goal of mine.
> 
> As always, I would very much like to thanks ShipItLikeASteamBoat for their amazing assistance and dedication to this story. I could never truly express how much it helps keep me going. So thank you!
> 
> I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday Season and a Joyous and Healthy New Year!
> 
> Enjoy the Chapter!

 

 

* * *

**Chapter 7**

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-.-.-.-.-.-.- **Month 4, Day 23** -.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  


"…it is for this reason I believe a treaty can be granted between our worlds." Ambassador Grant finished her speech, the response was instantaneous. Those around the room clapped as others stood to applaud. It had been a riveting speech. Kara had hung on every word.

"What about those who believe that it is our natural end to die under Rao's light? What about the millions who would rather watch our planet burn then subject ourselves to kneel at the feet of you human pigs!"

Kara and several others jumped up to try and stop the protester. Kara, from her seat on the podium a few chairs down from where Ambassador Grant stood, moved to the older woman quickly. Ambassador Grant's security also moved in to help the Kryptonian guards that were closing in on the devout Kryptonian male.

"Please, Ambassador if you'd follow me." Kara tried to steer Cat away from the podium and the microphone, but the shorter woman had no intentions of leaving, and Kara refrained from actually touching her to have her move.

"Apes, would be a more apt description for a majority of the human population. But to those who would rather see their friends and family burn, that should be their choice."

"So, you're against the mandatory evacuation?"

At that, Kara took hold of Cat's elbow and made it impossible for Ambassador Grant to remain standing where she was without toppling over, because Kara was walking and she was taking Cat with her.

"Mandatory evacuation?" Cat asked before turning to look at Kara. "Mandatory?" She questioned, hissing as Kara led Cat down one hallway after the other. Both of their security squads following after them.

"Let go of me!" Cat pulled her arm free from Kara's grip, but they had already arrived at their destination: Kara's office.

"Please, Ambassador Grant, come into my office where we can speak. Privately." Kara insisted, stepping around Cat to put her hand on the reader that then opened the door after recognizing her hand print.

Kara knew enough about Cat to know she would follow. And she did, after a long moment where Kara feared she'd stalked away.

"Mandatory? You're forcing your citizens to leave the planet? Not even giving them the option to stay behind?"

"You are reacting with only partial information, Ambassador." Kara tried to calm the enraged woman. She had seen Ambassador Grant run away with her emotions many times before. She was a very passionate woman, and watching her eviscerate a High Councilman for his treatment of women was a thing of beauty, but seeing those raged filled eyes directed at her, as if she were at fault? That was uncomfortable and caused a surprisingly pleasant warmth to fill her abdomen.

"Don't feed me that bullshit, Lady El! Is your High Council forcing people to leave the planet, even when they have no desire to?"

Kara sighed, knowing it was useless to try and get Cat to sit down, so instead, Kara moved to her chair and sat down. She began typing upon the desk's surface, and a projection of what she was looking up began to shine between her and Cat. Reports of devout religious practitioners of the Rao Order fizzled between them.

Once the reports were up, Kara moved to stand on the side of her desk and pointed to the reports. "Please, read these."

Cat grumbled beneath her breath as she stepped forward to read some of the reports that Kara had pulled up. "These reports are free to the public. That Raolyte, he along with his generation are attempting to convince the young—our youngest generation—that leaving the planet is blasphemy. They have encampments around the edges of cities. They've begun pulling away and moving towards areas our scientists have already designated as the most unstable parts of our planet. They are forcing their children to move there with them. In many cases, our High Council has had to step in when my generation, and those only five years younger than me, have escaped and begged for refuge. It is a constant battle. Not everyone is going to agree with our decision to leave the planet. But to allow these parents the power to force their children to die, children who want to live? How is that any better than forcing the populace to leave when it means they will live?"

Kara asked, watching as Cat's eyes devoured the information in front of her. She reached out and skimmed through the articles where there were young people's recounts of how hard it had been to escape the 'clutches' of their parents and find safety back in Argo City—or any largely populated city.

"We are not forcing the devout to leave the planet, Ambassador Grant. We are simply not allowing them to make that decision for their children. Children who wish to leave." Kara pressed an otherwise invisible key on the desk and the reports that Cat was reading disappeared.

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Ambassador Grant. Beneath her chest her heart raced as she stared at the woman who could still damn an entire planet to its doom should she find something she did not like or feel was safe about their culture. It was imperative that Kara help Ambassador Grant see that Kryptonians deserved to live, and they deserved the chance to make that decision for themselves.

Cat chuckled softly as she stared at where the projection was a for a moment, avoiding looking at the Kryptonian.?. She ran her finger over the edge of Kara's desk as she stepped closer to the younger woman. "That was you, in those pictures." Cat pointed towards the now empty air.

Kara stiffened, but she remained where she was. If her aunt Astra had taught her anything, it was that she should always stand her ground, especially when she knew what she was doing was right. "Yes."

"You rescued those children and advocated for them."

"I established a safe home where other men and women who believed those children should not be forced to remain in unstable territory because of their parent's beliefs help take care of them."

"An _orphanage_."

"I am unfamiliar with this term." Kara tilted her head to the side in confusion, her hands falling away from her chest. She rested the tips of her fingers against the edge of her desk to give her a bit more space between herself and Ambassador Grant. Her heart beating rapidly against her chest as Cat came closer with the opening of the space her arms had taken up. The shorter woman was practically pressed against her now.

Kara swallowed thickly as Ambassador Grant's eyes slowly began to travel up the length of her body until their eyes met. Kara's knees felt like jelly as Cat's eyes darkened with a different kind of passion.

"It is a place where children without fit parents live, until appropriate guardians can be found for them."

"Yes, well, the safe house is that. Many Kryptonian's who were unable to have children because of the codex ban, have come forward and taken many of the children into their homes."

"You set up an adoption center, without even realizing it." Cat shook her head back and forth, her eyes compassionate as her fingers slid across the remaining distance of the desk and inched up Kara's fingers and glided up to her wrist.

Kara gasped as her skin grew warm and the very air around them caused it to open with goose bumps at the delicate, meticulous, touch.

"Ambassador Gran…"

"Shh…" Cat pressed those same fingertips upon Kara's lips, silencing her, and causing her body to tremble all at the same time. The warmth in Kara's abdomen overtook her entire body as Ambassador Grant slowly leaned closer, her eyes focused upon Kara's lips. Lips that her fingertips fell away from as they slid into her hair, her nails scrapping against her scalp as she was pulled forward. A soft squeak of surprise left Kara as her eyes remained open, even as Ambassador Grant's lips moved so delicately against her own.

Before she could stop herself, her hands grasped the shorter woman's hips and pulled her flush against her, her eyes fluttering closed as she felt the first touch of Cat Grant's tongue.

Kara used her height to her advantage. She gripped Cat's hips and lifted the woman and put her on the desk's surface and twisted to pressed between the older woman's open legs. Cat gasped at the sudden move, laughing in delight as her fingers scratched softly against Kara's scalp, her grip forcing Kara's lips back down to her own after they'd spent a moment staring into each other's smiling eyes. They both moaned when their lips met this time.

When hands began to wander over unexplored skin and Cat was leaned down to lay across the top of Kara's desk, the computer started and the reports from before displayed in sparkling light surrounding them, fizzling over their skin as they ignored the holographic display, their focus on only each other.

Cat moaned into Kara's mouth when Kara used the points of her teeth to tug on her bottom lip so she could suck on it.

"Kara…mmhmmm"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
-.-.-.-.-.- **Present** -.-.-.-.-.-

"Kara…Kara. Kara! Hey. Snap out of it! We're here."

Kara swallowed and looked around her. Alex was standing in front of her, looking concerned. Her eyes held the worry and the 'I told you so's' of this situation.

Kara had forced the issue. It had been ten days since she'd been saved from the Black Mercy. Ten long days since she had been escorted from Cat Grant's home by Alex and Vasquez. Ten long days where she'd taken the time to mourn everything that she had lost. A majority of what she mourned was the second time she'd had to do so, while others—like Cat and Carter and the life they could have had in that illusion—were new. She mourned Astra's loss and learned of how she had actually come to die. And although it hurt in ways she could not describe to know that it had been Alex to kill Astra, she could not lose Alex too. She needed Alex more then she'd ever needed her. So, she forgave her and they moved on, and she started to heal.

Alex wanted her to take more time; Hank wanted whatever was best for her but Kara couldn't take being stuck in her sadness anymore. She needed to get back to work. She needed to get back to the normal hustle and bustle of her life. That might not mean her work as Supergirl, but she needed to be Kara Danvers again. She couldn't keep wallowing away in the world the Black Mercy gave her. She needed to get back to her real reality. She was ready.

Or so she thought she was.

Standing here, not ten feet from her desk at CatCo, staring into Cat Grant's office; Kara suddenly wasn't as sure as she had been before.

It was almost eleven. The office was empty except for Alex, Kara, and Cat; though Kara couldn't see Cat anywhere in her office.

Kara sucked in a deep breath and took two giant steps away from Cat's office. Her heart was racing against her chest in a painful reminder that she now had to learn how to handle Kryptonian anxiety/panic attacks.

Alex was slow to follow after her, her hands out and open in the way they had been every time Kara had slipped into a panic attack the last ten days.

"What did you see?" Alex asked, as she had every single time this happened. She made Kara talk about what she remembered. She helped Kara get through the memories that would pop up at the most random times. When the memories became too much, Kara would seclude herself.

Kara would tell her. No matter how risqué some of them were. She would share the memories, because it somehow made it easier to share the memories. The burden of being the only one with the memories was lifted when she told them to Alex.

"Ambassador Grant and Lady El." Kara had learned by calling Cat, 'Ambassador Grant' and herself 'Lady El,' it was easier to distinguish reality from the dream world. She sucked in a breath and tried to calm her heart before the pain hit.

"Okay, and what were Ambassador Grant and Lady El…talking about?" Alex asked, her hand finally reaching out to touch Kara's forearm.

Kara dropped her gaze to the floor. She fiddled with her fingers, letting them drum against the notebook she was grasping against her chest. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Alex knew then, that the memory included more sexual activities then she'd want to hear about.

"It was after a media event. A protester came forward, made Ambassador Grant think the Kryptonians were forcing people to evacuate the planet. She was angry. Lady El brought her to her office to calm her down before Ambassador Grant said or did something in front of the holo cameras that couldn't be taken back. Once in the office, Lady El showed her everything. The reports, what was really happening. And she…she." Kara swallowed as she gripped the notebook tightly with both hands. "She kissed me." Kara whispered as she closed her eyes tightly and calmed down.

"I know. I know." Kara took a long, slow, deep breath. "She kissed Lady El." Kara looked right into Alex's eyes. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I think, no. Yes. I need to go. This was…silly. I'm not ready. I'm not…"

"Kara?" Kara froze, her entire body going ridged at the sound of Cat Grant's voice. "Agent Danvers? I was expecting you a half an hour ago." Cat made her way to the doors of her office. She didn't make to leave her sanctuary, just stood between the doorway looking at the two sisters. Her eyes showing her worry as they focused primarily on Kara, only flickering to Alex to try and judge how bad the situation was.

"Sorry we're late. We got a little held up." Alex didn't explain that Kara had a panic attack outside of the CatCo building that had stalled them in their arrival.

"It's of no consequence. Carter is with his father this evening." Cat waved off the apology, knowing something must have kept them from arriving when they'd said they would. "Kara, would you feel more comfortable out here, or would you like to sit out on the balcony?"

Kara nodded, "Air, air would be good."

Cat gestured for Alex and Kara to enter her office as she stepped aside to let them in.

Kara kept nodding as she ducked her head down and made a bee line for the balcony.

Alex and Cat were a bit slower. Alex stopped to stand beside Cat and watch as Kara sucked in large lungful's of the cool night air.

"How is she?" Cat asked softly, knowing that Kara could hear them if she wanted to.

"She's gotten much better. Tonight was just a little hard, but I think it's because she's nervous." Alex admitted, there were dark circles under her eyes.

"She's not sleeping well, yet?" Cat asked, noting the dark circles under Alex's eyes, and the slightly bloodshot hue to them.

Alex shook her head no. It was hard getting sleep these days. Kara often woke her up because she was having nightmares.

"Do you think she's ready to come back to work?" Cat asked, watching Kara from where she and Alex stood.

Alex shuffled her foot and crossed her arms, "I don't know. She thinks she is. She says she needs to. I just…I think she needs a few more days."

Cat nodded, she had taken to talking to Alex every other day, just to check up on Kara and see what her progress was. Alex had snapped at her a few times, Cat didn't blame the woman (mostly), for snapping at her, for assuming the worst. But Cat was persistent and she called every other day even though she wanted to call every single day. She wouldn't push. She didn't push Agent Danvers for more than she was willing to give. But their conversation was almost scripted at this point.

Cat would ask how Kara was doing. Alex would give her honest opinion. Then Cat would ask how Alex was fairing, how they were both sleeping. When that was answered Cat would always follow it up with a simple-hope filled-question: Could Cat see Kara? The answer, until last night, had been no.

Last night something had changed. Kara wanted to speak with her because she wanted to get back to work, or that's what Alex had hinted at. But Cat knew it was more than that. There was more to why Kara wanted to see her now.

"What's with the notebook?" Cat asked as she and Alex made their way to the balcony.

Alex tucked her hands into her pants pockets, "You'll see."

That wasn't as comforting as Cat wished it were.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Cat asked, pointing to the decanter that she'd already moved onto the side table.

"I'd love one." Alex immediately accepted the offer, smiling gratefully as Cat poured her a decent amount of the amber liquid into her glass.

"Kara?" Cat asked, an empty glass held in her hand as she finally looked at the younger blonde.

Kara noticed the bottles of water in an ice bucket and smiled, "Water, please."

Once the three of them were settled into their own seats, Cat waited for one of the sisters to begin. Kara had taken the seat between Cat and Alex, putting the two sisters on the small couch while Cat sat upon the arm chair.

Kara seemed to be using the notebook she carried as a shield.

"Kara, do you want to start?" Cat asked, finding the silence was driving her a bit mad. It was already late into the evening and even though Carter wasn't home, she did want time to handle whatever Kara was going to bring to her attention.

"I'd like to come back to work on Monday." Kara admitted, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. Originally she'd wanted to come back tomorrow, but she knew she needed a few more days. Especially after the reaction she'd had when she'd stepped towards Cat's office.

"Monday, okay. That can be arranged. I will have the temp workers papers finalized so they know their time will end on Monday. Though, when you return, I will have you contact HR about her. She wasn't as useless as some of the other assistants I've had in the past. Her name should be kept on file."

"Of course, Miss Grant. I'll make a note of her name." Kara admitted quickly, making a mental not to do as Cat asked on Monday.

Cat hummed her assent around the rim of her glass. Alex nudged Kara when the silence around them continued.

Cat decided to make it easy on Kara, "Is that all you wished to speak with me about?"

Kara shook her head as she stared down at that damned notebook again. Her fingers brushing across the top of it and fanning the pages and the hard cover with a thowp, over and over again.

"I wanted to tell you more about what happened. So that you could understand." Kara sucked in a deep breath. "I started writing things down. It's helped me understand the difference between the realities. I thought." Kara chanced looking into Cat's eyes and sighed, "I need you to understand that what I faced wasn't easy and I wouldn't ever want to burden you with anything. I'm not asking you to do anything differently. To treat me any different. I'd prefer if you didn't actually." Although her heart longed for her relationship to deepen with Cat, that wasn't for this lifetime. Her relationship with Cat would remain as it was before this living nightmare.

Cat tried very hard to focus solely on Kara, but her eyes did slip once to stare at Alex as if just by looking at the older Danvers sister she could understand all Kara was, and wasn't, saying.

Writing down what happened had been a suggestion James had made. He'd told her that it could help. That even if she wrote the memories down in the way they came to her—disjointed and not within a strict timeline—that it could help. And it had been helping. Especially when there were some memories Kara just didn't think she could share with Alex, writing them down helped her process them.

As it was, Kara had three notebooks full of memories she'd experienced from the Black Mercy and it was at her discretion who got to read them.

That was really why she was here at Cat's office tonight. She had taken the time to write down a lot of memories that she'd shared with Cat. Some of them platonic in nature, others more intimate. She'd dedicated a lot of time to writing about the wedding ceremony, because it was one of the fondest memories the Black Mercy had given her. The ceremony had been the perfect blend between Kryptonian and human tradition.

"This book…" Kara laid the book flat on her knees and placed her palm on it, her heat seeping into the cool material of the marble cover. "…has many memories that involve you, and Carter. Memories that I wanted to share with you and even a few that I didn't." Kara blushed as she recalled how she hadn't wanted to share the more sexually intimate memories, but in some cases she had. She didn't share them all, but Cat didn't need to know that.

Cat couldn't contain her interest in the notebook. From the moment she'd seen it grasped in Kara's hands she'd known it contained something of great importance. She just hadn't realized how much she'd want to have access to that book. To know just how Kara saw her in that nightmarish reality. To know that it was also written by hand, by Kara, caused Cat's heart to flutter in excitement. But her excitement was tampered down by knowing just how terrible Kara's experience had been under this alien's reality.

Alex caught how worried Cat suddenly appeared and how embarrassed Kara was. She sighed, placing her hand comfortingly on Kara's shoulder, forcing her sister to look up, as Alex addressed Cat. "These memories are very personal, Miss Grant. They portray a very… _intimate_ …relationship between the representation of yourself in the induced reality, and Kara. I personally feel Kara shouldn't share a majority of these memories with you. But that's not up to me. I just hope you realize how very sensitive this notebook is and the _**memories**_ it contains. Because although it might read like a story, or a book, these are **memories**. They are actual recountings of a reality that Kara believed was real."

Cat swallowed the remainder of her drink and put the glass down on the table, hoping that last sip would offer her enough courage to handle whatever this notebook contained. For Alex not to want Cat to know, it truly had to be terrible. What kind of monster had she been to Kara in that other reality?

"So, whatever recountings I read, they are not to be held against Kara, as that is not how she truly feels about me. Is that what you're saying Agent Danvers?"

Alex froze, staring between Cat's piercing (worried) eyes, and Kara's widening ones. Kara turned to Alex, the question had been directed at her, and apparently Kara had suddenly lost the ability of speech. How could Kara truthfully answer that question without ruining her relationship with Cat?

"In a manner of speaking? Yes." Alex confirmed, ignoring the way Kara's cheeks flushed. Even when her sister wasn't the one offering the lie, she appeared just as guilty as if she had.

"Very well. Kara, I promise I will not let whatever is in that notebook, change my own perception of you. And I will not hold anything within it against you now. Whatever happened in that nightmarish dream of yours…it wasn't your fault. You had no control over it. I would never expect you to stand accountable for what happened within. Especially when it comes to Carter and myself."

Kara nodded and picked up the book from her lap and extended it to Cat. "I really hope that's true, Miss Grant. And if it's not..." Kara swallowed thickly, trying to stop the sudden tears that filled her eyes as she watched Cat's fingers close around the notebook and pull it towards her. "If it's too much. I'll send in my resignation on Monday."

"Kara don't be ridicu-"

Kara continued, as if she hadn't heard Miss Grant speak. "I hope that you'll accept my sincere thanks for, for everything that you've taught me. I've learned so much from working with you professionally and that's only matched by how much I've learned from you personally as well. So, thank you for giving me a chance, for mentoring me. I truly only wish you th-the best."

Kara couldn't stop the tears or the way she sobbed around her words for wishing Cat the best. Instead of sticking around or running back through the building, Kara kicked up and flew off into the night, leaving Cat and Alex alone on the balcony. Cat to wonder just what could be so terrible as to frighten Kara like this—to make her think Cat could ever think less of her, and leaving Alex to wonder why she'd even bothered to show up here at all tonight if this was how it was going to end.

"Well," Alex downed the rest of her glass. "Thanks for the night cap." She put the glass down on the side table where Cat had taken the glass from originally, and made to leave.

"Wait!" Cat called, stopping Alex about midway through her walk out of Cat's office. "What's in here?" Cat asked, shaking the book around like it was the nastiest piece of filth she'd ever seen in her life. The glare she directed towards the inanimate object made Alex almost sorry for it.

"Kara just explained that it's…"

"Ah-uh. I heard what she said. Now tell me what she _didn't_ say."

Alex sighed, "It's not that simple. Just, just read it, okay?"

"But you think she shouldn't be giving this to me at all. Why is that? What does this book contain that Kara fears it will destroy my relationship with her?"

Alex ran her hand through her hair, wishing she could have just flown away like her sister had. _Damn it, Kara._

"Can't you just read it and find out?" Alex asked, wishing Cat Grant could just make this easy on her. She'd had, maybe—if she was lucky—thirty hours of sleep in the last ten days. A majority of that wasn't consecutive sleep either.

"Agent Danvers, I signed all of your NDA paperwork without having my lawyer look at any of it. I allowed your breaking and entering into my home to go unchecked, but I swear if you do not tell me this instant what I did to Kara in that dream world that cannot be fixed I…"

"Woo, woo…wait a second. You think that you're double did something to Kara in the induced reality?"

Cat blinked. Yes, yes she did. It wasn't too hard to believe. Just ten days ago Alex thought of her as a monster for how she'd treated Kara professionally. Cat merely crossed her arms and tapped her foot against the tile floor of her office. She would not repeat herself.

Alex laughed, a full belly laugh that ended up making Cat even more uncomfortable as the young woman began to cry she was laughing so hard. It had to be from the exhaustion, and the only reason why she wasn't tossing Alex over her balcony for having the audacity to laugh at her—in HER office—was because she knew just how tired the Agent was.

"Oh, oh man. I needed that." Alex reigned herself in, chuckling every few seconds as she wiped away her tears. "Oh…okay. So, you have nothing to worry about. You're not some dragon like creature in that." Alex pointed to the book. "I think, honestly?" Alex grinned mischievously, "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with just how…friendly…you are in that recounting." Alex winked at Cat before she turned and made for the exit. "Happy reading…" Alex tossed over her shoulder, never actually looking back at Cat as she waved her hand backwards and stalked to the elevators.

Alex left Cat Grant staring at the book that made Kara cry, Alex laugh, and Cat feel like a nervous wreck.

With nothing better to do, Cat called her driver and headed home. The book nestled in her arms until she arrived home.

TBC...


End file.
